Quiz Time: Family Matters

Final Exam!

What's your opinion on family matters? Answer these questions yes or no.

I usually celebrate my birthday with family. Yes
I try to participate in my extended family functions and gatherings. Yes
If my friend's birthday and my nephew's birthday fell on the same day, I would go to my nephew's birthday party. No
I would love to spend New Year's Eve with my family. Yes
Most of my movie outings and picnics are with family. Yes
I know all my cousins. Not exactly realistic when you have 55 of them and you're second oldest.
In case of any great news, I inform my relatives (siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) first. Yes (re immediate family and then the word usually spreads itself)
If I have any problems, I share them and consult with my family. Yes
My family is a good support to me. Yes
I support family members in their times of need. Try to
I can name my children's best friends. Yes
I can name my partner's best friends. Yes
I know what stresses my partner is currently facing. Yes, except where work-related (because confidentiality is required).
I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately. Yes
I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams. Yes
I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life. Think so
I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. Yes
I feel that my partner knows me pretty well. Yes
When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. Yes
My partner really respects me. I'm not always respect worthy, but yes.
I respect my partner. Yes, I can also improve.
I notice what my partner does for me and express appreciation. Yes, about 3/4 of the time
My partner generally likes my personality. Yes, unless I am stressed.
I like my partner's personality. Yes
At the end of the day I am glad to see my partner. Yes
I listen respectfully to my dad, even when we disagree. Yes
I am beginning to understand my mom. Yes
I check up on my married siblings often. Yes - I'm not so good about checking on my brother, though
I have developed friendships with my brothers/sisters-in-law. Not as well as I should have
I occasionally call my aunts and uncles just to say hi. No
I am trying to forgive family members who have treated me poorly in the past. Don't have any that have
I know my grandmother's maiden names. Yes
I know my great-grandparent's names. Not all of them.
My kids know what my dad did for a living. Yes
I am consciously trying to strengthen my family. Yes, although I think about it more than I act.
Think about the questions you answered "no." Do they matter to you?
Done - privately.


Essay questions. Choose two.
What does your family count on you for?
If one of your relatives were to brag about you, what would they say?
What praise or acknowledgment have you gotten from your relatives that is meaningful to you?
Name five qualities of your mom or dad that you most respect or admire.
Which of those qualities are also true about you?

My family counts on me to get them places, to prepare and buy food, to launder, to straighten, to love, and to set boundaries. I'd like to get back to our family culture of four years ago, when doing all the right things felt as easy as breathing and cancer was that thing that happened to other people. Every morning started with a devotional complete with hymn-singing (albeit extremely out-of-tune hymn-singing), thought of the day, scriptures and prayer. Ahh, those were the days.

If one of my relatives were to brag about me, I think it would probably be about the way I take care of my oldest son's medical and educational needs. (I'm sad that it likely wouldn't include the way I mother all of my children as I feel I'm missing that special something other women must be born with that makes them doting creatures). But in his case, if there is a need I do what I can to see that it's filled. I take him to his appointments, have learned the ins and outs of insurance and special education law, I know what to do to calm his anxiety, I try to keep him somewhat fashionable, I snuggle with him (yes, I know he's 17) and I do it because I love him. Now if I could just do that (give that much energy and devotion, because of course I love them too) for the other four children, I'd be set.

Take your own quiz at Travelin' Oma's

Quiz Time - Travel Studies

What is your traveling style?
~ Going on a super luxury cruise, relaxing and eating well for a week. (exploring the ports we stop at, too)
~ Going with friends on a history bus tour with a guide.
~ Going on a wildlife safari or a mountaineering expedition.

2. How many clothes do you usually take along on a holiday?
~ At least 2 new sets of clothes for every day of the vacation.
~ One set per day is usually enough.
~ I can easily manage in 3-4 sets, no matter how long the vacation.

3. How many pieces of luggage did you carry on the last vacation?
~ Including the sleeping bags and the tent?
~ Two suitcases, carry-on, shopping bag, purse, tote, diaper bag, laptop, pillow, coat. (minus the diaper and shopping bags).
~ A backpack, that's all.

4. Given the following choices, where would you prefer traveling to?
~ Alaska or Tahiti
~ India Or China
~ Kenya Or Greenland

5. What is your preference regarding hotels, while on vacation?
~ A luxurious five star, with a room service 24 hours duty.
~ A medium priced hotel, with just the necessities (that includes a very comfy bed).
~ A Tent rules.

6. What are your food preferences on a holiday?
~ A six course meal at the best restaurant in town.
~ A decent meal at a good place for $12.
~ Whatever you can carry in your cooler.

7. How do you travel while on a holiday?
~ A rented car (or take our own).
~ Public transport.
~ By foot, wherever possible.


8. What's your dream vacation?
~ Biking down the California coast.
~ Eurailing around Europe for three months (won't ever happen, that's why it's called a dream).
~ Two weeks at a beach resort.

9. You and your friends are hiking. You
~ Take the most difficult route; it's no fun otherwise.
~How about explore all the side trails - the destination is not the point.
~ Take the route everyone else takes.
~ You take the simplest route, after all reaching the destination is important.

10. While on a beach
~ You prefer to go surfing or scuba-diving.
~ You are content with swimming in water.
~ You would rather stay on the beach and build sand castles read.

11. In an amusement park, you will be seen
~ On the new gigantic roller-coaster.
~ Taking the scenic train ride.
~ Watching the kids while reading a book.
~ Walking all over Creation, enjoying the magic in their faces as they go on the rides they like.

12. Someone says they're taking you bungee jumping.
~ You are totally game for it. Wow!
~ You express your doubts, but are persuaded.
~ You throw up pee your pants.

13. When you are on a camping trip
~ You cook and eat whatever you can catch.
~ You bring fried chicken for dinner, and muffins for breakfast.
~ You hire a dutch oven chef.

14. You're planning a long road trip with the kids. You
~ Buy a new car with a built in DVD player.
~ Take plenty of benedryl.
~ Buy several copies of Harry Potter, and read it out loud together.
~ Bring lots of knitting and books for you and movies for the kids.

15. You're in Washington DC for a long weekend. You can't wait to
~ Visit all the Smithsonian museums.
~ Take a city tour to see the Lincoln Memorial and other monuments.
~ Sleep in every morning, take in a movie, and see a live ballet that night.

Timed test: You have 15 minutes to plan a trip. Use Expedia, Travelocity, or any other resource to find a flight/driving route, plus a hotel/place to stay in a city of your choice. Is it do-able? Pack your bags!

Done - England here we come (passports, first). Hop on over to Travelin' Oma's to join in the fun.

Quiz Time - Analyze Yourself

1. Are you updated on current affairs? Do you follow the latest news?
I'm a bit of a news junkie, really. I've tried to wean myself from 24 hour news stations and all talk radio, but every once in awhile I get sucked back in (Balloon Boy, anyone?)

2. In a one-one conversation, do you talk more or do you listen more?
I suppose it all depends on the situation, because I can do both. There are times when all someone wants to do is vent. They don't want advice or reassurance, they just want to be heard. But there are times when people call me for help with advocating for their child's educational needs and I do most of the talking after some brief fact-finding. I think I love both (talking and listening) equally.

3. Do you like trying out new things like visiting a new restaurant, trying out a new sport, etc?
The truth here is very unglamorous. I'd like to think of myself as adventurous, but I'm not. The few times I've tried something new it hasn't exactly gone well, for instance: sushi. Blech. I wish I liked trying new things, but I don't.

I have forced myself to get out and meet more people over the past year and I've enjoyed it. I still have some social anxiety over it because I am prone to say stupid things, but maybe with practice I'll get better.

4. Do you devote time to your dress and appearance before you go out?
I love getting dressed up and looking nice. I haven't always cared about the details, but jewelry and make-up (just the right amount) add lovely finishing touches. I want my husband to enjoy looking at me and besides I feel at least 100 times more confident when I feel pretty.

5. Are there any secrets about you that you haven't shared with even close friends?
Honestly, no. Except for maybe my most embarrassing moment and thank goodness that happened in front of family who I can trust to remain mum on the subject. Otherwise, I have no secret unshared.

6. Are you game for adventurous stuff?
Before marriage I was. I was far more social, adventurous and had a lot of spunk. Now my spunk is mostly channeled into making sure my son's medical and educational needs are being met. I would love to try something adventurous - maybe skiing - but I do enjoy walking and the one time I skied, my hips wouldn't shut up about it for days. I'm open to any and all suggestions for becoming more adventurous. As it is now, running in the dark is the extent of my adventurousness.

7. Do you manage to get introduced to new people in parties and indulge in long conversations?
Yes. I find people to be absolutely fascinating and adore hearing their stories. Still there is room for improvement here.

8. Are you a well-read person?
Egads, I've got a long way to go in this department. I love to read but my breadth and depth are severely lacking.

9. Are you a well-traveled person?
Not really, but I'm working on that.

10. Can you make people laugh?
Especially when things seem to be at their bleakest. Perhaps that's inappropriate, but then there you are, that's my social anxiety coming out.

Are you a confident person?
1. Can you choose a new outfit alone?
Hah! Have you seen my feathers outfit (now safely returned)? Okay I did keep the skirt, but seriously, feathers?! What was I thinking? Also, at this time, I'd like to point out the merits of a good bra in alleviating the gravitational pull brought on by nursing five children. Also, sucking in makes you look thinner but, perhaps, also slightly constipated.

While I enjoy dressing up, my taste in fashion is more like my taste in music - rather dated. So I think it's brilliant that I know this and take someone more fashion savvy to shop with me. Thank you Kenna, Kelley, and Tammy. Obviously I cannot be trusted on my own.

2. You walk into a room full of people. Suddenly you find everybody watching you. Do you become terribly self-conscious?
Heck no, I'm so fascinating it happens all the time and I'm just used to it (insert eyeroll). I might sneak to the bathroom for a quick teeth check or to make sure my shirt isn't on inside out.

3. You reach the airport to find that your flight got canceled in the last minute. What would you do?
Try to get on the next available flight and head to the airport book store to stock up on reading material or whip out my latest knitting project.

4. You enter a posh restaurant to find everybody else in formal clothes. You are wearing casuals. Would it ruin your evening?
No, but if I were the only one dressed up, I'd be far more embarrassed. I'd probably explain it away by saying I had another engagement and that I needed to leave early.

5. You are at a job interview in a big corporation. Suddenly you find out that the CEO himself is conducting the interview. Do you panic?
Yep. Sad, but true.

6. You are attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker wants you to come on the stage to give your views. Will you get jittery?
Maybe a little, but only because I hate hearing my voice through a microphone. I'm definitely getting better at this.

7. You are enjoying a party with your new date. Suddenly your ex walks in. What do you do?
I know having an ex is like a fashion accessory these days, but fortunately I'm not in that situation. I hope never to be in the dating scene again, I can't imagine that kind of awkwardness.

I do have one small instance that comes close. I was invited to a wedding reception of someone who was a younger sister to someone I'd dated seriously before meeting my husband. I had been very close to his family (his mom had even sewn the bridesmaid dresses for my wedding). He'd been my best friend and while I think he only wished for my happiness (and I for his), it was still awkward to be in the same room, he with his beautiful family and me with mine.

You see I had met Mr. O while said formerly Significant Other was serving his LDS mission. I informed him (by letter) of my pending marriage to Mr. O when he had only 8 months or so left before he'd be home. There really hadn't been an understanding between us of a future together, only the possibility of one. We never really had the opportunity to discuss things but I have run into him at several social occasions over the years - there has been nothing but awkward silence or brief introductions since, because what else is there to say? (Especially since Mr. O bears a slight resemblance to him).

8. Are you afraid of visiting families that have suffered a death?
I'm afraid only of the saying the wrong thing. I have been around death more than I care to and in a way it feels like a preparation for things to come.

9. Would you go and visit a dying person?
Of course, especially if it is someone close to me. I watched my grandmother take her last breath and saw the change in her body as it went from housing the spirit of someone I loved to a mere empty receptacle.

10. If someone embarrassed you in public, you would you react?
My tendency is to flush all sorts of hideous shades of red. Sigh.

Are you a crafty person?
Click here to take Travelin' Oma's Crafty Quiz. I'm happy to report that I got all but three correct. I am a bonafide Craft Nerd.

As the studio turns

Homework: Do any or all or be inspired.
~Your best friend just called and said, through her tears, "I know you've had experience with_____. What did you do?" What would she be calling about? Answer her question in a note.

~Write about a time you made a presentation of some kind. Were you nervous? Excited? Prompt: "After I was introduced, I stood up and said_____"

~Remember someone who poured out their heart to you. How did you feel towards them after hearing their story? Were you sympathetic? Shocked? Disgusted? Understanding?


I think I must be a good listener, or at least, a sympathetic one. People's "stories" have always fascinated me, and fortunately I get to hear a lot of them.

I have always stayed and waited for my daughters during their lessons, and waiting involves a lot of sitting and knitting. Knitting needles must be the universal symbol for "Talk to me" since I have yet to sit in silence.

One woman and I were comparing divorce horror stories (not our own as we don't have any) when she decided to confide in me her own dramatic marriage. First, it made me very grateful for the wonderful man I married and second, it made me fearful that I might hear about her on the 6 o'clock news some night. And not in the hurt-her-kids-Susan-Smith sort of way but more in the her-husband-cut-her-into-tiny-pieces-ala-Lacy-Petersen sort of way.

Inside, I was aghast at the details of her dysfunctional marriage but outside I tried to remain supportive and encouraging. I suppose that's akin to telling a passenger on the Titanic that the water isn't all that cold. There are drugs, money, children with major medical issues, overwhelming debt, corporate espionage, mystery clients, theft, etc. involved. This one woman lives a life that sounds like the plot line to a daytime soap.

The funny thing is, nearly everyone there has a story that can compete.

Three Whole Weeks

Catching up on homework.

Solitary Confinement. I did it. For THREE WHOLE WEEKS. Sort of.

After my taking my radioactive dose in an effort cure my thyroid cancer, I was put in isolation. Back in those days (four years ago) they still had you stay at the hospital for the the first three days.

I was placed in a corner room on the top floor with the rooms next to me left vacant since radio waves are no respecter of walls (I always wondered about the poor soul in the room beneath me). A line was taped off around the door that I was not allowed to pass, a box of disposable blue booties and a chair sat waiting for any visitors, nurses, or doctors. No one was allowed to be in my presence for more than a total of 20 minutes per day. It was rather lonely.

The phone receiver was covered in plastic -protected from my radioactive breath droplets- they'd had to put too many in long term storage due to high readings on the Geiger counter so it was standard operating procedure now.

All food was brought to my room in disposable containers and had to remain in my room for the entire stay until the Hazard Crew performed a room clean-up. I tried to eat everything, but the radiation made me nauseous. As you can imagine, it was rather smelly in there and that did not help my nausea. The nurses kept shutting my door although it made no difference. Somehow that closed door was as good as putting me on Mars or the deepest, darkest smallest cave. The two times I've done this treatment at the hospital are the only times I've felt any form of claustrophobia and I've been in far more confining quarters (can you say Brain/thoracic MRI?). It was stifling and some of my anxiety came back every time the door was closed. I would sneak over whenever they left and open it just a smidge.

I was encouraged to drink as many fluids as possible and shower several times a day (to aid in the flushing of all that radioactivity out of my system). Because I had an infant (who simply by necessity would require close proximity to my neck), my doctors were overly cautious in their instructions for my post-hospital isolation. I should not be in my own house and should not even touch my baby until the Geiger counter numbers were in a certain zone.

My parents generously offered me the spare bedroom in the upstairs corner of their home, my mom volunteered to care for Ellie, and Mr. O and my aunt held down the fort back home. Even at my parent's home my food was set just inside the door and I waited until they left to go pick it up.

I brought some needlework to keep me busy at the hospital and basically spent my time catching up on TV. It was lonely. All my belongings were scanned before I left to ensure they weren't emitting dangerous levels of radioactivity.

I was not allowed to drive myself home, so my dad picked me up and I was told to sit as far away from him as possible. We stopped for a Steak-n-Everything sandwich on the way home (I know I was radioactive - we sat in the far corner of the restaurant). It was the first real food I'd had in 6 weeks and the pepper in it tasted wonderful. It wasn't until they brought me a pork salad from Cafe Rio the next day that I realized my taste buds were gone. Completely killed. Then my salivary glands began to swell. The chipmunk look does wonders for one's self esteem. NOT.

I was to spend another two and a half weeks in that corner room, going in for periodic Geiger counter measurements. My mom would bring Ellie to the bottom of the stairs and I would gaze down at her longingly, looking forward to when I could hold her again.

I filled my days with working on this quilt for my sister (and then it went into storage for 40 days, just in case)

All the floral blocks are hand appliqued. We hadn't had cable for a few years,so I sat there stitching and watching reruns of Clean House on the Style Network and TLC's What Not to Wear. I also spent some time on the phone interviewing my Grandma B about some old family stories. (Another post to come on a really scandalous episode from my way-back ancestors' past). I wrote page after page in my journal letting the conversations in my head spill out on to paper.

So what I am trying to say by all of this, is that if I had something I could do to keep my hands busy (as well as cable TV, a journal, and Hershey Milk Chocolate Nuggets with Almonds - if I'm being perfectly honest here) I'd be able to survive, but the loneliness was something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

In fact, I need to see if there is someone whose loneliness I can do something to alleviate.

How we hold on to Summer

We collect loads and loads of stinky sea shells (at least the kids do) and then we bring them home intending to bleach them, but usually end up putting them in gallon-sized Ziploc bags and storing them in a basket on the top shelf of a kitchen cupboard.

Other than that, they like to collect Disney pins.

Today's homework

Lost and the way to getting found

1. What is my #1 goal right now: Getting fit and healthy so Mr. O won't have to push two wheelchairs when we're old and gray (I'd also like to be around to snuggle any grand babies in my future). It is becoming an obsession, but at least it's a healthy one, right?

2. Did I spend any time this week working towards it? Yes. I ran 8 miles (not all at once), but only did one workout. Every time I've gotten sick, I've had a terrible time getting back into my exercise groove. I resolve to find my groove this week.

3. What's an activity that makes me happy? Reading, knitting, sitting on the beach.

4. When was the last time I did it? This past weekend I did all three. Although I can hardly count the knitting since I spent four hours doing it wrong and had to rip it all out. Ripping out knitting is the cheapest form of therapy - you can rip something apart without the stress of potential jail time.

5. Am I contributing something positive to the world? What? This is a tough question. I've gotten rather lax in this area lately. I used to do a lot of advocacy work, and I used to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. Right now my time is filled with chauffeuring - lots of it, I mean copious amounts of taxiing, and I wonder if delivering my girls to various dance classes is time that could be better spent in some bigger way. One thing I do manage to do every week is listen to people. I like being a sounding board, I just wish I had the answers people are looking for. I resolve to find a way to serve a larger purpose.

6. Am I becoming who I want to be? Slowly, very slowly I am becoming. I still put up my own stumbling blocks, a sort of customized obstacle course. I know the kind of woman I want to be, but I let my weaknesses hold me back and have power over me.

I'm hoping that getting in the best shape of my life will help - it probably won't make me stop uttering profanities, but maybe it will help with the pain (or at least distract me from it) and I will certainly have more energy to serve others. And just maybe serving others will remind me that my own grass is perfectly green and lush.

You can go back to school, too. Read her story about the little boy lost. There is always someone out there to help you find your way back. Always.

The Myth and the Truth of it

Myth: Marriage and family are confining.

Marty listed this as a lie she hoped her granddaughters will recognize. I agree with her. I hope my daughters and their daughters will see that marriage and family is only confining when we hold on to selfishness. This doesn't mean that it's not okay to hold onto to our dreams, to perhaps show our children that they are but a part of our dreams. We mothers are complex creatures, it's true.

When I married, I had a very different idea of how things would turn out for my little family unit. I assumed we would travel the world performing service, leaving our mark on the world at-large. I have a family legacy of service and that's probably why I dreamed so big. Life's circumstances have a way of teaching us lessons we never thought we'd learn and usually in ways we never thought we'd learn them. We have performed service in a way that's hardly noticeable - to the world at-large.

(Here is where I pull a trick from Zina's hat and recycle a comment I left on Emma J's blog):

"I recently attended a church function and one of the speakers talked about the expectations we have when we first start out on this road of marriage and family. She mourned the loss of the big impact she was going to have on the world (and feels she hasn't) but then came to the realization that the impact she has on even one is something that God counts. And that all those impacts on "the ones" add up to something bigger than she realized although they weren't quite the impact she'd planned on making."

Every action creates a ripple in the lake of life, and even though it sometimes feels we are making ripples in mere rain puddles, they are still ripples. We are always radiating circles of influence - sometimes the harder part is the difference between radiating love or frustration; joy or anger; patience or well, you understand. It's part of the human experience to discover all of this and to be there for our spouse and children as they learn these things as well.

I am mostly thinking out loud here, as I am far from perfect. Too far for my liking. Choosing the better part is where I struggle the most. I wish it came naturally for me to choose sweetness over impulse, to act instead of REACT, to be most loving when the littles in my house are acting their least lovable, but it doesn't. Not even a little bit.

I like to say at least there is room for improvement.

Creating a home is a way of creating a world (also via Marty)

This is a new and welcomed perspective for me. We are free to CREATE and to CULTIVATE, to bring/nurture souls in this world AND to put our own spin on it. Our home doesn't have to look or feel like anyone else's. We may have an ideal we strive for, but we can definitely create our own cozy soul factory.

The bounds of marriage and motherhood do not need to be the windowpane against which we beat our wings wildly, desperately searching for escape. There is room enough and time enough for wing stretching.

***Sometimes I hate words, especially when I cannot find the right ones. Marriage and family are the hardest, best things a person will ever experience in life. Even when the people we share that journey with are their pleasant, most wonderful selves it can still be hard to balance our own personal needs to nurture and to grow. I firmly believe it is possible to do both within the structure of marriage and family, although I'll admit that both husband and wife need to respect and encourage each other in the pursuit of their dreams. It takes two to tango, after all.

Back to school for you?

What about you? What were your expectations for your own family and how have they differed from your reality?

Standing Guard

"When we're on the wrong track there are always people who can help us find our way. When we've lost something precious there are people who can comfort us. There are people standing guard, watching out for us, who understand us; sometimes we don't even know their names. We are fellow wanderers, and there's an instinct we have to help each other. I think when it comes down to it, most of us are coming from the same place." ~ Marty Halverson

Marty is right, and reading this quote, it (just how right she is) hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. Or a 2x4. Or a lightning bolt. Or a World Class Chocolate ice cream cone (my personal favorite). It made me re-examine my life and look at my darkest, loneliest moments in a whole new way.

It also made me realize that I have been there for people in their darkest hours. What follows is a repost, a time when I was able to comfort (although there many more instances when others have stood watch over me).

Originally posted October 9, 2008 (once again this woman keeps coming to mind and I know that I need to call her - maybe more for me than for her):

Today was a phone day - the kind when you hang up the phone and it instantly rings again. When you answer it, the cell phone goes off and they are both important, repeat ad infinitum. It doesn't happen very often. In fact, my phone is usually very quiet.

But in the middle of fielding these calls and canning another round of salsa, I had one hour of a tender mercy.

I picked up the other phone and heard the voice of someone who has been on my mind this past year. I don't even know how to describe the effect her call had on me, but it was wonderful and heart-wrenching all at the same time. She is the mother of a son with disabilities who died over a year and a half ago.

I had felt that I should call her or send her a note these past few months, but part of me felt that it would somehow be the wrong thing to do. I didn't want to remind her of her loss or cause her any pain. I just didn't want to say the wrong thing. I realize now how very foolish those thoughts are. She called me today and we grieved together.

The loss of a child isn't something that ever leaves you. It's not like a scraped knee - a little blood, a little pain and then bam! a couple weeks later it heals, leaving only a faint scar and you're over it. Caring for a child day in and day out who is so dependent on you is amazing and hard and AMAZING. They become an integral part of your life, they are your life. And when that is gone it is a very real, painful loss.

It is a hole in your heart, an aching that doesn't go away. That ache may subside and ease a little from time to time, but it will always be present, throbbing in the background. Even the faith we have in the plan our Savior has for us, the knowledge that we can be reunited after death cannot take that pain away. It is part of being human, part of being a mother, part of being in a family.

What this dear friend reminded me is to take each moment and cherish it because it doesn't come again. Each day with your child (no matter how hard) is a memory to store up against the future.

She is who I want to be: grace under pressure, shelter from the storm, one who loves unconditionally, and ultimately a woman who finds her strength in God and trusts in Him completely. I am blessed to be touched by her tender, giving heart, and to have her example of faith in my life.
***
After the talk I gave last night, I realized that I am terrible at following my own advice. One of the most painful things for my friend is that no one would talk about her son, and if she brought him up there was mostly an awkward silence, a trite response, a look away and then someone would change the subject. And I knew, I just knew I needed to call her - for an ENTIRE year. But I continually brushed away the thought until she finally called me. At least I had the good sense to drop everything (salsa be damned) and listen.

It is never the wrong thing to follow-through on an impression, be it a generous thought or an act of service. That is not to say that your act of service will always be well-received, but you will have been there for someone. You will have made yourself available and you never know when someone in need might willingly reach out for the lifeline you've thrown them - even if that lifeline is only a phone call, a note, a vase of flowers, a hug, or a well-timed email.

School for you?

Birth Stories

Today's assignment:

Ellie's teacher had her baby this past week (one month early) and Ellie's been fixated on pregnancy and hospitals.

Mommy do you benember when I was born - when Nicole did that dance to"Who Let The Dogs Out?"

Yes, I remember. (she remembers this is on the video camera after movies of her as a baby)

And do you benember my whole family came to see me at the hopsi-bal?

I do.

And then Daddy brought books for me in my Dora Be-Spora Backpack so I wouldn't be bored-ed?

~

And there was that time she asked me if there was a baby in my fat tummy and when I told her no she said, (and I quote) "Dain-it, I reawy want to play wiff a baby sister."

~
She asked me how the she got in my tummy and before I answered, I asked her what she thought. With eyebrows raised, she suggests, "Um, you swallowed an egg from the fridgerator?"

Here are some past theories of hers about how she came to be here:

Well, we were in pieces and Jesus put us together and then told us which house we were going to.

(and to the neighbor) Jesus drove us here in His big car (meaning a bus) down the mountain

The books you read

Homework (link)
~Do you have recommendations for books that haven't been mentioned yet? Who would enjoy them: a little girl, a 10-year-old boy, the whole family? Is it a read-it-yourself, or a read-it-to-me type book?
~If you were giving just one book to an infant grandchild, what would it be? A friend suggested Clotilda by Jack Kent. I like A You're Adorable by Martha Alexander. What's your favorite?
~Do you remember a special book from your childhood? Who read it to you?

These are the books from my youth. Every time I was sick (while we lived overseas) my mother would buy a new Nancy Drew for me to read. I've been smitten with books ever since.
(*I still have these original books from when I was a kid)

Books with Pictures:
Green Eyes by A. Birnbaum - one of the first books I remember
*A Cranberry Thanksgiving by Wende and Harry Devlin
*The Maggie B. by Irene Haas - has the most amazingly gorgeous watercolor illustrations
*Tasha Tudor Book of Fairytales - started my love for all things fairytale
The Flying Hockey Stick by Jolly Roger Bradfield - this one is finally out again and is a very fun, adventurous story
*Drummer Hoff by Barbara Emberley - again great illustrations, especially fun when read with varying accents
Why Mosquitoes Buzz in People's Ears by Verna Aardema - a great one to have on tape


Chapter books for older children:
*No Such Thing as a Witch by Ruth Chew - enchanted fudge that makes you understand animals, what's not to love here?
Charlotte's Web by E.B. White - and his other two Stuart Little & Trumpet of the Swan
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle - my very favorite that my mother read aloud to us
*Enchantress of Crumbledown by Donald Marshall (hard to find)
*Dot and the Kangaroo by Ethel Pedley
The Changeling by Zilpha Keatley Snyder - very interesting story about friendships and peer pressure
Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell
Charlotte's Web by E.B. White - and his other two children's books Stuart Little and Trumpet of the Swan
All of the Nancy Drew books through the 70's by Carolyn Keene
Trixie Belden series by Julie Campbell or Kathryn Kenny

I'm sure I'll think of some more later. What books do you remember from your growing up years?

Never Leave Home Without It

Homework assignment (link):
~Get a baggie and go to your make-up drawer. Using extras, pack a make-up kit you can keep in your suitcase. Have a toiletry bag ready to go: Put baby wipes in a baggie (if they dry out, just dampen them) to wash your face, and refill or buy some travel-size toiletries.
~Make a packing list of comfortable, washable travel clothes to keep in your suitcase. (The list, not the clothes.)
~Blog about something you never leave home without. Prompt: "I never go anywhere without double-stick tape. I use it for _________.


I am a spontaneous traveler by necessity. We rarely have more than two to three days notice before a trip, so I especially appreciated Travelin' Oma's post on travel tips. I usually jot down a list of everything I'd like to take with me and I check it off as I pack. The one time I didn't do that I remembered to bring everything but my underwear. Awkward. I had to make a return trip home to get it. One pair of undies just won't do for a week, ya know?

But for every tangible item I pack there are also the intangible that I carry with me. For instance, I never leave without my keys or my phone (mostly) but I also never leave home without thinking of someone. This brain of mine never shuts down and it's all I can do to get a few hours' reprieve every night, but I do constantly think about people.

Usually it is someone dear to me, my husband or one of my children. A sibling or extended family member. A neighbor or a friend. And occasionally it will be the person I pass on the road (what is their story? why is his/her face wearing that expression?)

I think of the things I love about them, or the ways in which I could be better towards them, and in that same vein, the ways in which I am lacking towards them. I recall their faces, the way their eyes light up when talking of something for which they have a passion. Or the way their laughter bounces through the room, the way they hold their hands when they're being thoughtful, tense, or giddy.

Sometimes I think about the financial strain people are experiencing and how they are weathering this economic storm. I'll reflect on and admire their tenacity and positive attitudes. I might imagine up a story about their home life, the social interchanges between husband and wife. Or maybe I'll be the Blue Fairy and grant them their heart's desire. Which gets me to thinking about what that might be for a particular someone. I also think about the things someone really enjoys: food, clothes, friends, family.

I think about the every day sort of things friends deal with - perhaps they are being thwarted by their insurance company to get the care they need for themself or a loved one (this happens more than you'd think), and I puzzle over it until a solution comes to me. The puzzling is my favorite part - making pieces fit together when it looks the least likely. I puzzle over the Special Education needs of strangers, and those are my favorite solutions to conjure up.

Mostly, I think about how I can write it all down and keep the memories forever.

Just musing

Homework: Choose any of the assignments that apply, or design an exercise that will inspire your muse.

~Put a few manila folders somewhere handy, with labels like: Quotes, Characters For My Novel, Funny Things the Kids Said, Clippings That Made Me Think, Plots I'd Like to Thicken.
~Buy a package of ten small notebooks and pens (in the dollar aisle of Target) and stash them in places where you often get ideas.
~Every day for a week, write down and file three random thoughts, just to get you in the habit of using your notebooks and files.
~Place scissors and a red pen wherever you spend time reading. Clip or tear newspaper and magazine articles that provoke you, underline the passage you want to remember, and file them away.
Written Work: List ten things that get in the way of your writing. (My life is boring; my mom would be shocked; I don't know where to start; I don't have time, I have seven kids.) Go back and write a sentence about how to deal with each issue. Idea: "I have seven kids. I'll sit down with them during homework time and write a paragraph using their spelling words." "My mom would be shocked. I'll write my love story as if it happened to someone else." Now, use your ten sentences to write a mission statement called "I'm Going to Write, and Here's How."

Go for it—Write Away!


Notebooks/pens (Zebra F-402) purchased and appropriately stashed. I AM going to figure out how to use the voice memo on my phone because when I'm driving is when the ideas come. However, they stay in the car. I can never remember them later and since writing (while driving) is out of the question, I think I'll try talking to myself instead.

Homework : What Was She Thinking?

Homework: Choose any or all, or be inspired.
~Think about an old person you love or admire. Write a detailed description of the character and experience reflected in their face. Use a thesaurus if necessary to find the most precise words. (Ideas: conviction, spunk, wit.) What do you hope to look like when you're old?
~List your five biggest worries. Now imagine how each could become a blessing in disguise.
~Has your attitude been changed by your experiences or has it been the other way around? Write a paragraph that starts: "My outlook is more_____than______ (insert lemon and lemonade.) I grew up in a house filled with______."
*If you do any part of this assignment on your blog, link it back to TravelinOma. And please leave a comment here with a link to your blog as part of our class discussion. I'll be keeping track, and spot checking your work, giving points for participation. You can grade your own work, based on your individual progress. (A for Accomplishment, B for Basic Effort, C for Class Comments, D for thinking this post is Dumb, and F for Failure to Communicate.)

"You're so judgemental!" Kari told me.

It was practically a sentencing. Until then I had looked up to her and her love of life. She fairly sparkled with a zest for living and the laugh lines surrounding her blue eyes are forever etched in my memory. She had a certain spring in her step, her short blond curls seemed to bounce about in everything she did, and her laughter tinkled like sleigh bells. In fact, she reminded me of a young Mrs. Claus.

I know that I'd always been quite the realist. I didn't see my pronouncements or attitudes towards life as judging, but rather as a realistic view of events. Most people would call that being negative.

As a twelve year old, it's difficult to see much past your own nose. Life is never fair, and sometimes it feels as if the world is against you. Unless, of course, you were one of the cute girls. Then you could be as a negative as you liked or show it when your feelings got hurt, but when it was my underwear run up the flag pole and I had to retrieve them in the pouring rain, all of the sudden I was judgemental for feeling singled out. The camp counselor preached at me, "It's all just part of the fun. Lighten up!"

Or when my secret sister completely forgot about me until the very last day (when I'm sure one of the camp leaders covered for her) and it was hard not to feel jealous or hurt because of it, I was told not to be so selfish.

Or when the oldest, gorgeous girl extinguished a match (used to start the dinner fire) on my behind and it burned through three layers of clothing, melting my thermal undies into the hole in my skin, I was admonished not to hold it against her, "She didn't mean any harm, after all." I'm sure she didn't, even though there was no apology.

But having that sentence, "You're so judgemental" slapped as a label in my mental file, somewhat changed my course. I will never forget her face as she said it. It wasn't said with love, but with tolerance. Gone was her sweetness and I saw the sharpness come out, her words snapped like a whip. Now there were worry lines where I had only seen laughter, pursed lips where before had been only sweetness. Her whole outlook changed towards me and it was as tangible as if she'd struck me. But it was only words she'd used. Cutting words.

And in that moment, I determined that I would be the same with everyone. Cute or not, there is no difference in how I treat people. I hope to help each person I meet feel valued (although I am an formidable adversary, I am a faithful friend).

Am I judgemental? Probably so, to some extent. It feels like something I can never escape completely, but I hope never to sentence anyone in the same way.

Go do your homework

Homework: The Bookshelf

Homework: Do any or all, or be inspired.~Choose a type of book from the list above, and make your own list of five titles that fit the category.~Describe the perfect bookstore. Prompt: "It looked so inviting. There were_____, with lots of _____. . . "~Suggest or review a book we might not have heard about.

Recent (and also in the not too distant future) Books You Must Read:

The Dark Divine by Bree Despain (who just happens to be my cousin). It's coming out just in time for Christmas stocking stuffers for those of you who've been particularly good this year. You can read a sneak peek here, her publisher even sprang for Dark Divine nail polish color - fabulous marketing, I say.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins and its sequel, Catching Fire (so we can dish about it)

The New Weightlifting Rules for Women - interesting concepts and quite effective once you figure out how to do it - I'd love to rewrite the entire section that describes the workout. I think the editor should have actually had this section tested for usability by novice lifters.

Time for a reread:
A Year in Provence by Peter Mayle
Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L'Engle
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Books I could write:
Maneuvering the Mine-field of Special Education or What the Devil is an IEP, Anyway?
No is a Four-Letter Word
Lemons and Lemonade - or Why Sugar is Essential

Homework: Travel

Where is your ancestral home? Most of us have roots in several places. Pick one city or country you'd like to visit, find it on a map, and explore some travel websites, just for practice. A few of my favorites are: multi-map, Rick Steves, Cheap Flights, Budget Travel.~ Someone found your blog and emailed you saying they're visiting the city where you grew up. Write an itinerary for a one-day tour of your hometown. Prompt: "When you're there, you can't miss____. There's a great view from____. My favorite place for lunch is_____, and the kids would love____."~Write a postcard to your grandma from someplace in Europe you want to visit someday.

In this part of town, the homes are often surrounded by white walls topped with a rainbow of broken bottles, the jagged edges stretch up like fingernails to catch those who would trespass. The gate at the drive opens into a mid-sized courtyard. There is no grass in the front, only a patchwork of concrete and stone large enough to hold a table for family dinner and a car or two (although no one here really has two cars).

The smells of fresh-baked bread waft over the wall from the bakery behind the house. The smell is heavenly, but it's a draw for bush-sized rats who find refuge in the shrubbery along the wall. Next door is the bakery store-front (as well as the owner's home). You stop by daily to check the progress on this week's wedding cake and also to admire the dainty sugar roses. A patron enters the store, noticing you and your sister standing there, she pinches your generous cheeks with a twinkly smile and asks if you are for sale. You giggle and the Head Cake Decorator passes a sugar rose across the counter, one for each of you.

Continuing down the the street and turning the corner, you pass a rain-stained stone church, the orange honeysuckles flower in profusion and tumble over the side. You stop and pull out one of the stringy centers of the bright orange trumpet flowers and taste the dew drop of nectar on the end of it (a favorite afternoon activity).

to be continued... Go back to school

Wordfull Wednesday: Transformation

**This was originally posted July 28, 2009 but it fits this topic so well, I'm reposting it for Wordfull Wednesday.

So, seriously, how does one break-up with food? Well don't hate me, but it isn't possible, you sort of need it. The thing is, food doesn't have to be your Edward always giving you chills and making you swoon, I mean what is it with you and the swooning? It could just be your Jacob, your best friend, always there for you with the moral support. Oh wait. Analogy FAIL.

A lot of you may know the last few years have been especially hard/awful/how-on-earth-am-I-going-to-face-this-day for our family. Especially me. I don't do stress very well. Or at all. And between having a surprise baby (whom we adore), thyroid cancer (twice), my son's tumor and subsequent chemo, I let my health take a backseat.

Like the backseat of an airport shuttle van.

It was a very dark time for me, I lost my friends and support system at the absolute worst moment (to their own trials) and retreated into myself. I became depressed and had no mental energy to reach out to others. I felt alone, so very alone. We all have our reasons why we let food become the thing that keeps us going emotionally.

For me, Dr. Pepper and mini peanut butter cups were my best friends. And maybe also the onion rings from Purple Turtle. And the TooWoomba Pasta at Outback. And sadly, I could go on.

Eventually things changed:
I became more able to breathe
Ty's last major surgery was last year
I am currently ignoring my cancer - hey, it works for me
My baby grew up
I actually started leaving the house again and showering on a regular basis
And applying make-up
We travelled
My heart woke up

And I decided I wanted to change. I want to get in the best shape I can so that if my cancer is still here I can kick its butt on my own terms. My change started small. I began working out with Mr. O, began weighing myself, watching my intake (Weight Watchers points), I used a heart monitor when I worked out to keep myself in the optimal range, and I went on walks. Sometimes, I even jogged. I know! And my body started to like it (well not the jogging). And I added yoga, oh my goodness yoga - so absolutely amazing for toning your body. I still drank soda and ate chocolate.

Then I decided to get serious. That stuff was holding me back. As soon as I gave up the diet soda I lost about 5-7 lbs. Who knew? I do drink Green Tea and get my caffeine that way (baby steps). But I swore off chocolate and ice cream. Which is practically blasphemy.

I may someday let chocolate back into my life, but it won't BE my life.

Full Circle

Expand, simplify, or be inspired.~Write a paragraph about a job you would do for free. Prompt: "If money were no object, I'd like to be a ______, and work in_______."~Write a paragraph about your philosophy of work. Thought questions: Is work worthwhile for it's own sake, or does it have to have a monetary value? How are you teaching your kids to work? Did your parents make work fun or was it something to get finished before you could have fun?


When I was little I dreamed of going to Egypt or Ancient America, brush in hand, hat on head to dig in the dirt and uncover the past.

Now I am broom in hand, scrubber on wood, chipping away to uncover the floor.

When I was younger, I dreamed of life in far away cities, reporting events to readers around the world.

Now I receive reports from my own press corps, down to the minute detail, what so-and-so did to who-and-who. What’s more, they want to know what I’m going to do about it.

I used to think of a career in law, arguing cases, going to bat for the little guy.

Now I am judge, jury and executioner (of discipline) to my own court room of miniature plaintiffs and defendants.

I used to consider teaching junior high English, developing the ability to weave words and charm readers in the young.

Now I am developing the ability to mind my own Ps and Qs, remembering the magical way words tend to stick in minds and come out at the least appreciated moments.

Things have a way of coming full circle. We glimpse the future in our mind’s eye, and it looks so vast to our smallness. Then we grow and we know that this, this is what we were meant for all along.


Get thee to school

Just do it!

Homework: Do any or all, or be inspired. (If your real life is too real right now, be your own private tutor and do an assignment in your head.)
~Search through the drawer in your heart. Are there memories that shaped your self image? Write about a time when your feelings were hurt. Why do you think you still remember the incident? How does that help you understand yourself better?
~Describe yourself from a friend's point of view. Does she know the real you? Do you want her to?
~As a trusted mentor, write a letter advising yourself what to do about a current situation in your life. Prompt: "Dear Friend, I know you're worried about ____. Knowing you like I do, I'm sure you feel____, but I trust your instincts. You seem so____."

Dear Mrs. O,

I just wanted to take a moment to write and tell you that I've been thinking of you, and I know how hard it must be to make these kinds of decisions.

But I also know that you never make them lightly, you get as much information as you can, study and weigh out all the options. I don't know anyone who can break a difficult matter down into all its essential pieces as well as you.

That said, dear friend, you cannot put off actually making the decision interminably. You've just got to let go of the old and make room for the new. Commit, decide, and come what may, live with the choice you make.

Remember that Nike said it best, "Just do it!"

You've been going over this for four years now. The money is all saved up. It's time. The family beast has served you well, but it's time to donate her to Kars for Kidneys.

Love,

Your BFF

P.S. I like the shiny, silver one with the satellite radio.

Go to school, already.

A Real-Life Fairytale

Once there was this boy who was very fond of a girl, and this girl was very fond of the mountains. As it turns out, so was this boy, and he bought her hiking boots for her birthday (very expensive hiking boots this girl surmised, realizing just how deep his affections must run) and they set off for an adventure.

The girl was very excited, not only to be with this boy who so obviously enjoyed her company (boots, remember) but to be with him in her mountains (totally not a metaphor) and to show him a place close to her heart (also not a metaphor). It is a place so special that only a very few, special people know about it.

It is an outcropping of rock that hangs over a rushing river. It can't be seen from the path, and when you are laying on it the warmth of the boulder seeps into your bones and your ears fill up with the song of the river.

The two of them parked at the trail head, and grabbed some granola and an Indian blanket from the little, blue hatchback. In no time at all, they reached the notch in the trail that marked the way and together they stepped through the underbrush, picking their way to the Rock as she led him there.

He stepped out first and gave her his hand as she gracefully step-hopped to the rock. They spread the blanket, smoothing its red and black stripes on the stone, and making a place for them. They lay down on their backs, side-by-side, looking up to the sky.

She rolled over and asked, "Mmm, do you hear that?" Together they peered over the edge of the boulder and watched, for a moment, the tumbling water. They could almost feel it rumbling up through the rock and powering into their chests.

Then they lay back, neither of them speaking. It was a place to come and feel the sun pouring down its goodness on you, to feel the earth's heat bouncing back up through the rock, to feel the freight train of the river running through you, and to hear the symphony of the aspen leaves and waterfalls. It was a place to just be.

And also a place, perhaps, to hold a special someone and steal a kiss. Or two. Or Three (and very romantic kisses, at that). Perhaps.

Just like these kissing trees at the bottom of the Rock. They remind the girl of two hands scooping earth, working together.

For awhile they remembered this place and came to just be (and perhaps, steal a kiss or two). Even after they were married. Even after they had a child, or two.

Eventually, the call of the river became harder to answer as their life together evolved.
But always, the memory of the rock is there. The Rock of Love.