Sunday, March 6, 2011

You are here, AND you are in Heaven

This medicine that is supposed to be helping with the numbness has a couple of interesting side effects, one of which is gaining insane amounts of weight (hate) and the another of which is hours long, crazy realistic dreams.

These past few nights have felt like all night movie marathons what with the dreams. One night it was a very detailed dream about Thanksgiving dinner with some friends of ours, another it was me and Mr. O on a trip with someone I've never met (and a couple of her friends) wherein I always ended up cleaning the most disgusting toilets and bathtubs (I don't know, either), and last night's was the most disturbing and interesting of all.

So disturbing, in fact, that I called my mother and made her go downstairs to check on my grandmother at 6:30 in the morning. I will relate a little of it here.

I was at my Mom's house, where my grandmother is currently living. An aunt of mine, her mother, and some friend's of my grandmother came over to see her. They were visiting with my grandma when all of the sudden, my mom jumps up and says, "Your dad told me to get him immediately if this happened."

I turned to look at my grandma and her eyes were closed, her breathing was labored (I understood that this was because her liver was failing). My mom returned, but after what seemed like a long time and I still hadn't seen my dad show up I ran to get him. He looked awful as if he couldn't face seeing his mother so close to dying. He finally comes with me and surprise! false alarm, my grandma was fine.

It was decided that I should take her and my son Ty up to Salt Lake one last time. By myself. With my son who cannot walk and for some reason I decide it would be good to carry him rather than take his wheelchair So we get on the commuter line to go downtown, only it's more like an amusement park ride with canoes on rails. My grandmother sits at the back of our canoe, I in the front, with Ty laying in the bottom of the boat between us. My grandma can tell she's not doing well and starts to climb to the front of the boat. I hold her in my lap, looking back at Ty and wondering how I am going to manage getting all three of us off the boat when we reach our destination.

I continue to hold her in my lap, her head resting against my shoulder while we ride to the top of the hill. When we arrive at our destination, the Bonneville Room (which in real life is not at the top of a hill, but smack in the middle of downtown), the ride passes through the building and I plead with the staff to help me get everyone off our canoe. We lay my grandma down gently on the floor and Ty is up on a couch. They clear the room and my grandma starts to whisper in another language. The staff notices and starts to listen and write it down, they check it on a translation key and tell me what she said. Unfortunately, she lapses into silence and we only caught a snippet of the last little bit.

I think about how I should contact everyone, her children, and let them know what is happening, but I have no phone. A kind woman lends me hers, I call home, but when I look up everyone is already there. I notice my grandma's eyes are open so I tell her my dad and uncle are there.

She has a far away look in her eyes, gets excited and says, "Oh good, George and Stephen are in Heaven!" I look at her eyes again and notice that one has the appearance of a normal eye, but the other has differently shaped pupil and is more intense in its blueness. I tell her, "No, grandma. You are here, and you are in Heaven."

And then my dream continues for another hour or so (with details about some dates, specific people and events and at one point she is standing up and tells those of us present (seen and unseen), "I am here, and I am in Heaven."), and ends when someone realizes she is starting to pass and mentions that they should remove her wedding ring. My aunt N~ reaches over and slides off her wedding band, the life drains out of my grandma, and I wake up.

In a panic. Everything had felt so real. I reach over and see that the time is 6:36 AM, but the dream is so real that I must know if my grandma is okay. So I call my mother, and luckily she is awake (I know I wouldn't appreciate being awakened at that hour), and I talk her into venturing down two flights of stairs to check on her. She is fine.

My mom goes back upstairs to her room, and I tell her almost all of my dream, but there are some parts I've kept to myself and Mr. O.

Do you ever dream like this?


radioactive girl said...

I have these kind of dreams all the time. They are kind of cool/interesting for a while but so so scary that I wake up exhausted.

Hewett Gardeners said...

unfortunately i have these dreams without medication. i am just that weird. i am sorry it was about grandma. that would be disturbing to me too.
goodness, i wish i could help you out with all your pain issues! i do so miss you. having your chicken quilt up in holland's room makes me think of you daily.
thanks for being my cousin AND my friend.

Emily said...

What a crazy, real, scary, interesting, exhausting dream! My most vivid dreams are in the early morning when I try to fall back asleep after being awoken by a little one. I should start writing them down!

Mommyto3andahusky said...

I just found your blog and became a follower! :) Love your blog! :) Erin

Heffalump said...

I have vivid dreams every so often and am always happy to wake up and realize it was a dream, although I am usually still shaken up for a while.
When I was about ten I dreamed that my younger brother was trying to stick his fingers in a fan, and I woke up standing over his bed trying to wake him up so he wouldn't be hurt. It took me a moment to figure out I was dreaming and had walked in my sleep to where my brother was.

Up in Bubbles said...

Wow, I have not had a dream that I can remember in I don't remember how long. I would enjoy a dream or two. Sounds like you are having quite the time in your dreams.

Kimberly said...

I've only had dreams like that a handful of times, though I have a dear friend who has them frequently. Hers are often prophetic, and she holds them sacred. They are powerfully spiritual experiences for her and she records them faithfully.

andrea said...

I hardly ever have vivid dreams like that. Only when I'm sick and have a fever or something. I hope you start feeling better painwise! :)