Friday, March 4, 2011

This hole with a side of TMI

I keep writing, then backspacing, deleting. Words failing me right and left lately, I just feel like one great big complainer, and really I have no reason to complain. We are doing alright - we have health insurance, a pretty nice roof over our heads, indoor plumbing (hallelujah!), a full pantry (when I remember to stock it) and that's a sight better than some.

But then there is this constant companion I've had since December: PAIN.

I've traded one pain for another and now I wish I could have a do over. I'd much rather spend the rest of my life with a very confused uterus (mine always thought it would be nice to get out, have a look around) than to deal with the daily pain. The strange thing is I did pretty well after my hysterectomy, suffering only bladder spasms (with the word "only" being the biggest understatement of my life) and the pain you experience while the gas from the laparatomy works it's way out. The pain meds for that masked a much bigger problem.

I have three herniated disks, as well as degenerative disk disease in my neck, and canal stenosis. Currently, this causes me severe pain near my right shoulder blade, sometimes radiating up the side of neck and down my arm, making some of the fingers (and even my entire hand) on my right hand go numb. So far the effect of the steroid shot has not kicked in and neither has the new medication, which btw, the front office staff bungled completely, and had me jumping in with both feet to a med that one first dips a toe in the water, then wades in to their knees, and finally-if all looks well-takes the plunge. (I mean no wonder I felt like puking myself inside out).

I realize just how much I've taken my body for granted. Feeling pain is exhausting and therefore quite depressing. To go from lifting weights and some form of cardio every day to losing sensation in your fingers, hand and sometimes pain in your triceps/biceps area is just plain lousy. It's a burden pressing down on me and I rather like things the other way around-lifting burdens is much better than to be always suffering under them.

I tell myself I will just will my way out of this. I don't have the time to be sidelined.

There are two groups of people who begin spouting inspirational quotes, one is the Chronic Pain Sufferers and the second well, they are the newly divorced. I prefer to be in neither of these groups, but in any case, if I do start tweeting, blogging, FB status updating with inspirational quotes, please just place me under medical coma until doctors come up with a cure for my condition.

Just reading this post has likely put you all in a coma. Maybe, I'll join you. Let's all have a nice nap, and then I'm going to write myself out of this damn hole. I'm going to win this thing. I'm stubborn like that.


14 comments:

Kimberly said...

Oh honey, ow ow ow...I've had some pain from a bulging disc and that was SO hard to bear that I just melted down and wept some days. So the thought of you suffering so much more than that just hurts my heart!

Randy said...

My sciatic pain has had me in tears, cursing, etc., but it's about... oh, maybe 40% as bad as your pain. And I have it way less of the time, and it's 80% managed by Lortab. (I did all the math on these numbers.)

I'm sorry for you, and also a little grateful for the reminder of how good I've got it.

Emily said...

I like self-induced comas, though usually mine are brought on by caffeine and chocolate. I have no doubt you're going to win this thing.

myimaginaryblog said...

I'm SO sorry. I hate hate hate things that can't just be fixed. Surely there's something that can be done? No? Start with the inspirational quotes right away, I won't judge.

Kristina P. said...

I am so sorry. I know about the degenerative disc pain, in my lower back. Fortunately, it's not constant pain. It hurts after sitting for a while and I can't really bend super far.

You just don't realize how great things are until you're body is going through something like that.

I am thinking about you!

Elizabeth-W said...

I am so sorry you're having to go through this. :(

Chocolate on my Cranium said...

Oh, Corrie! I am so sorry! I hope the docs can get all the med pains figured out for you and that something can eventually be done.

Heffalump said...

Not fun at all!

Tebbs Family said...

First off, I'm amazed you can still have a sense of humor through so much pain and frustration (or is it the meds talking?!). Secondly, thank you for sharing and being REAL. Makes those of us not suffering physical ailments to count our blessings and pray for yours...

M-Cat said...

Been there with the herniated discs with the numbness and tingling. For a long time I thought I would never feel my right thumb again.

The constant pain is frustrating and depressing, and downright all-consuming at times.

I;m so sorry friend, I hope you feel better soon, get the right meds, and get those discs back where they belong and behaving

Up in Bubbles said...

What a pain, Literally. I am so sorry. I just can't stand when things don't work and feel right. I will say one thing for pain. When it is gone it sure makes you grateful it's gone.

andrea said...

So sorry!!!! Wish I could fix it.

Queen Scarlett said...

Praying the pain abates soon. Stubborn-gals rule! Can't wait to party in August w/you!

Omgirl said...

Ok, I know my pain is nothing like yours and that I have the benefit of knowing that mine is temporary with a defined end-date in sight, but I can still totally and utterly relate to the idea you posted of how exhausting and depressing constantly being in pain is. I am always in pain now with this baby. if it isn't my ribs, it's my back. If it isnt' my back, it's my bladder (which the baby loves to dance on). If it isn't one of those, it's something else. And it just gets old to be in pain all time time!!! So I hear you, woman. And I feel for you. And I truly truly hope your meds will start working and give you relief.