Sunday, December 19, 2010

Some People

Sometimes I wait too long to take off my wedding rings for the night and then my knuckles are the size of olives.

Yes, it's true, I have Olive Knuckles. I know you're jealous, but we can't all be so blessed.

The past two (make that four) nights I have had my old friends Insomnia and Anxiety over for a visit. I try and try to get them to leave but they insist on staying and chatting me up all night. They don't even get my subtle hint that perhaps they have overstayed their welcome when Melatonin shows up. I tell you, some people are just thick-headed.

I went to the hospital to register for my upcoming surgery. I asked the nurse if it would be okay for me to write a note on my abdomen - "No touchy, no cutty" (they already screwed up my belly button/tummy 20 years ago when I had my tubal pregnancy. I mean let's just leave well enough alone). She said no. I tell you, some people just have no sense of humor.

I get to start a low fiber diet in two days. Um, guys? Low fiber is hard. No fruit. At all. I live on apples and blueberries right now. That pretty much just leaves chicken broth and yogurt. Which pretty much means I am going to starve. (Note to self: eat all the Oreo Truffles now as a preventative.)

I can never pee after anaesthesia (epidurals especially), but I learned a little secret - Coke makes you pee. You're welcome. (Note to self: buy Coke.)

And in completely unrelated events:
Ellie said to me, Mom we shoulda buyed those, what are they called? Oh yeah, Crazy Muffins.

I said, You mean English Muffins?

She said, Yeah, same thing.

Some people are just so clever.


dalene said...

Good luck to you!

Kristina P. said...

I need to try this melatonin thing.

Kalli Ko said...

I can never pee after anesthesia either, and they always try to get all crazy with the catheter. After I had Fatty they tried to do it again (even though I hadn't had any pain medication) and I said BACK OFF JUST GIVE ME A DANG MINUTE, I HAVE A SLOW RESPONDER BLADDER and I drank some coke and peed. Coke works miracles.

Loralee and the gang... said...

Why would she think "English" and "crazy" are synonyms? What did I miss here?

Elizabeth-W said...

Write it anyway, just in crayola washable marker :D

radioactive girl said...

Low fiber is awful! I had to do that when I was having all those stomach problems. I'm sorry you have to do that!

I am still thinking good thoughts for you for surgery. I hate that you have to do this but can't wait until it is over and you are feeling better!

Emma J said...

You are a gift! And Ellie!

I think you ought to have a party with the magic markers and do a whole mural on the not-to-be trespassed tum.

Good luck btw. We'll be praying for you.

M-Cat said...

I think I would totally write what I felt was necessary on my tummy. What are they gonna do about it? And they are going to say all kinds of stuff when you are asleep anyway - true story.

And if coke keeps the catheter away - I say get a 12 pack!