Saturday, November 19, 2011

It's all downhill from here

At least, that is what I'm telling myself. On Monday, I had the worst migraine I can imagine and it only crushed half of my head. I thought I was going to die because maybe I'd had an aneurysm, but I was too embarrassed to go to the hospital because what could they do? I'd used every weapon in my arsenal and the only thing left was a route I didn't want to take.

So that sucked. (I'm not even going to apologize for saying suck, because it sucked with a capital S-U-C-K). But it's all good because I woke up on Tuesday.

Some of these photos are months old by now, but I love this shot from my son's first high school date dance~

And this sunset~

And basically, all things red this time of year~

I wake up every day wondering if things will be better.
Sometimes they are. And sometimes they're not.


But really what counts, is that I'm surrounded by people on whom I can count.

People who love me even if they don't understand--even if I can't understand what the hell is going on. Why must it always "never rain, but it pours"?

Soon Ty will need to count on me, and I'm hoping I've got one more in me. He's having major surgery the week after Thanksgiving. Major, major surgery. As in sporting a body cast for 6-8 weeks after, major surgery. He will be okay, as he always is. He is a fighter and mostly he doesn't complain.

He is a fabulous example to me. I love that kid. I love all my kids. Lately, I don't think I'm good enough at letting them know. Pain is a thief. It robs you of normal you. You put so much energy into coexisting with it that it leaves you worn out, a shell of your former self.

To shell with that, I say. I've got cookie dough to make and eat with the kids. There is no way I have it in me to make Thanksgiving happen, but we can still make memories.


We can enjoy the ride.

9 comments:

La Yen said...

I wish I could come provide respite. Prayers for all the Organics.

Amanda said...

Your photography is wonderful. I'm so sorry for all your pain. I keep praying for you and yours. Hope the surgery goes well. Thanks for being a great example of perseverance and perspective.

athena said...

i have a good friend here in austin going through pretty much the same as you. she had brain surgery a couple years ago and then back surgery. she's been suffering with depression since childhood and a bunch of other things i cannot pronounce correctly. i have been trying to understand her in her pain and it's been hard for me to comprehend. i guess i'm just not good at understanding it but your blog is helping me a lot. if i were in utah i would invite you to have thanksgiving dinner with us. but i agree, we can still make memories no matter what the circumstances are.

athena said...

oh and i agree with amanda. your photography is wonderful. helps us to see the little things we so often miss when we're not looking, huh?

Emily said...

Beautiful photos. Beautiful perspective and beautiful perseverance. Love you. And it's all about memories.

Chocolate on my Cranium said...

Who says everyone's rides have to be the same anyway? We can all enjoy them no matter what they look like. :)

I'm with Athena, I'd totally have you guys over for Thanksgiving!

Heffalump said...

Keep on keeping on Mrs. O! You're amazing! You know, we had Thanksgiving every year growing up, and the only one I really remember well was the year the power went out and we didn't get to have Turkey because it didn't come back on in time. We had Spaghetti that year instead. All the other years are just a blur, so I think that making memories with your kids is your best bet anyway!

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

Thinking of you. Thank you for this post. It is much how I feel these days.

mCat said...

And here I was feeling shitty (sorry) about my own self and the hole I can't dig myself out of, and then I read you and am inspired that even though your ride right now is so much harder than mine, you manage to find the good. I need to be more like Mrs O.

xxoxoxo