Sunday, February 13, 2011

On forgetting and remembering

Some of you have been reading long enough to know that Ty and I went through cancer treatments at the same time about five years ago. That same year, I made a goal to journal every day, and I kept that goal. It's the only time I never missed a day.

A few days ago, I felt strongly that I should share that time with you. And that maybe, by looking back, I'd finally be able to move forward. Sometimes challenges mould us into stronger people, and sometimes they turn us inward, convincing us that we can go it alone. Entirely alone.

Sometimes we forget who we are and think that God has forgotten us as well.

But it does not matter how small we feel, how angry or hurt we are, or how much we've lost ourselves in the bigness of life, we are never completely forgotten. If we are fortunate enough to catch a fleeting glimpse of our potential we begin to remember, and awaken to a sense of who we are.

I've had a year off from most things religious, and it has been a long, lonely year - one that has swallowed me up. I have felt the pain of desertion, and I have to wonder did I move farther from spiritual things because I felt so alone, or did I feel so alone because of my spiritual deficits?

It is hard to go through major medical issues, and have those you once thought were close friends abandon you. It makes you question everything: what is real, what is only a figment?

The one thing that I know is real is my family, those are the relationships that matter most, and they must be carefully tended, guarded. There is more, but I'm not at liberty to share, so instead I wonder if you'll join me in a year of looking back and maybe together we can move forward.

I'd love it if you'd follow me at Chemo Chronicles, and I welcome any questions or comments.


mel said...

You said so many things I needed to hear. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. You're very inspiring.

Emily said...

I'm on my way to follow you over there. I am with you on the family being the most important thing in life--or rather, the most important relationships. We often remind her often-fighting girls that friends will come and go, but your family will always be here.

Emma J said...

Are you moving over there from now on - or off and on at both?

I think it's good to keep a record and then go back to it. It's clearer sometimes re-reading than it ever was when I was writing it.


Up in Bubbles said...

You are a great writer, wish I was so lucky . Thanks for sharing and being you. I love you. Kel

radioactive girl said...

If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. I happen to love the person you are and think you are pretty awesome.

Elizabeth-W said...

Thanks for sharing this. I certainly relate to those feelings.

Mrs. Organic said...

Tori - I'm emailing you.