Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Which is to say, that there is nothing glamorous about any sort of -ectomy. Humorous, yes. Glamorous, no.

Remember how I told you I received clearance to be all active again? (Well, it didn't include "active" - if you know what I mean.) And I should've known better than to report to my doctor that I felt awesome and hadn't needed anything for pain since 2 weeks post surgery, because my bladder heard that and said, "Oh yeah?"

And here we are a week later, with me having pains like I did with my ectopic pregnancy*, waiting for lab results to come back and in the meantime I get to take something that turns my pee orange with the promise of numbing things up. Sidenote: it's not working. I feel like I'm ninety and I walk like it too.

IDEA!: Glam up cane.
TO BUY: Feathers? Sequins?

The good news is that a freaked-out, angry bladder makes the pain in my back feel like a cake walk. I've got a pinched nerve or strained muscle something or other. I can't believe I was complaining about it, could I please have that problem back (pun intended)?

And lastly, a confession:

I've decided to take one for the team, and I'm starting something for anxiety. My one problem, and it's a doozy, with anti-anxiety/anti-depressants is that those I've tried have left me feeling depressed--in the sense that nothing sounds interesting besides chocolate: not people, not showers, not even crawling out of bed--and yet, strangely, they render me completely tearless. I become Robot Chocolate Mom.

This is my dilemma, because in taking anti-anxiety meds, I literally lose myself.

I know this means that maybe I haven't found just the right fit yet, but maybe it says something that I am still willing to try. At any rate, Robot Chocolate Mom is preferable to Beyotchy Mom, right?

What would you do?

* in case you are wondering this feels similar to a twisting knife in your nethers, or like someone is trying to make fresh-squeezed OJ from your organs, or like a angry leprechaun is tap-tap-tappiting a wicked jig on your ovaries...


Anonymous said...

I really don't know how you seem to juggle it all....I'm so sorry to hear that you're not 100% yet. I think you're superwoman and I applaud your every success and every adventure. I'm not a stalker, just a huge fan :)

Rachel Sue said...

If that is humorous, then I agree with Alexa: you are superwoman. I hope things get better for you soon. Really I do.

Emily said...

You know, you just aren't selling it very well. ;) I am so sorry you have a leprechaun dancing a wicked jig. No one should have to suffer that or any of the other crap you're going through. Sending lots of good vibes your way!

Tebbs Family said...

I just hope someone is taking care of YOU for a change... wish we lived close by and I'd bring you daily meals and MAYBE do your laundry. Can you ask to be put in 2-week coma with an IV dripping with whatever will help your pain, your anxiety, happy juice, etc. and wake up feeling amazing?! Keep posting--at least it's helping the rest of us feel better about our own crap! You're superwoman in any situation.

Mrs. Organic said...

A 2 week coma would be awesome - can I do it on the beach in Hawaii? Just have someone flip me over from time to time.

Elizabeth-W said...

Wish you were feeling better!!! That is not good!
Sometimes antidepressants actually increase anxiety. So something like Buspar can help tone down the anxiety from the antidepressant.
If that's the case, the antidepressant increasing anxiety, you could think about a mood stabilizer. Just a thought.

Kimberly said...

Oi, you're being put through every kind of wringer, aren't you?

I did the antidepressants thing for a year. They worked well for me. Very little robotic tendencies. And not screaming at my kids so much? And not sobbing so much? Very much to be desired. But when other things in life got sorted out and I was able to go of them...yeah, that's when I felt like me again.

I might not like me all the time, but I like being me better than not.

So, that's not advice. Just...empathizing or something like that.

M-Cat said...

I am a firm believer in the medication route. All three of my sons are alive today because of it.

And I just switched meds finding something that might work a little better. No shame in that my friend - and I hope you find the right fit for you!