Monday, January 17, 2011

Cotton Candy Rain

Just when I think I can't take it anymore (the cold, the foul air, the everything that is January) it surprises me and hands out a warm reprieve.

I picked the girls up from dance clinic after restocking my stationery supplies (note cards, pens, and chocolate), and headed towards home. Life is back in full swing.

I've been a real prize these days, I have no real problems to speak of and yet I complain and yes, I yell. It's embarrassing - these posts since right before Christmas 'til now - but I'm leaving them up, because it's real life. Sometimes real life feels hard even when it looks all peachy keen. It's good to remember that. Don't gloss over the rough times, but don't get stuck there, either.

I've been seriously considering getting my jaw wired shut until my hormones stabilize. It is like the doctor flipped my "crazy" switch to on when he removed my innards, and even though I know I did the best thing for my body, I'm not so sure it was the best thing for those that have to live with me.

I have turned this whole over and over in my mind to get to the bottom of why things are the way they are, but I'm not going to write about it here because nobody needs to have their dirty laundry aired or their feelings hurt. I am going to write it down though so that maybe, at some future point, my children can read it and know that it's not them - it's me.

Just realized that most of these sentences being with I. And that right there is the main problem.

I, I, I.

Anyway, back to the drive home. The sky had that strange dream-like quality about it tonight, pink-tinged clouds hung in sheets just above our town, raining. No, pouring. The pink from the sunset slid down those sheets, and I half expected to roll my window down and lick cotton candy from the air.

Onward, tomorrow is a new day.

7 comments:

Deena said...

I love the image of the cotton candy rain. It's perfect.

Kristina P. said...

I hope things stabilize soon.

Nikki and Ray said...

We are kindred spirits my friend, I know what you are going through because I have been for 4 yrs now...I just want you to know I understand and I just love you for helping me to feel not so alone in all this! Thank you, for the words I can't express! And a big hormone hug to you, cause you're wonderful!

Heffalump said...

I need my jaw wired shut too...at least I know I am in good company!

M-Cat said...

Maybe February will bring something a little happier huh?

Glad to know someone else needs to have their jaw wired shut - and I didn't even have my innards removed!

Holly said...

Just think of the delightful contrast when you're back to your old self. Your family will be so happy! :)

It's frustrating & embarrassing to realize how much hormones (and January) can affect us.

I hope you feel back to good soon.

Damaris @Kitchen Corners said...

I just found you via Cafe Johnsonia. Your post could have been written by me. I still have all my insides but my hormones are totally getting the best of me. I need to mellow out quick!