So tonight I skipped out on two activities (both of them I really wanted to go to) - I had a legitimate excuse, BUT I was relieved.
Relieved that Ty needed me to help him out, because then I wouldn't have to be around people. Whah-? People who I care what they think of me and who, perhaps, I'd screw up in front of by mere function of opening my mouth. And in the back of my head I know no one gives a second thought to what I do or say (except myself, of course) or at least I am hoping that it's true. That it's all up in my head and I am just making myself all wound up about stuff that really doesn't matter. Except it does, to me. And at the same time I just wish those same people even knew who I was besides "the new/old girl", which is kind of difficult when you rarely attend full events.
I mean I love people, I really, truly do. I just need to remember that when I'm in the middle of them. And now......I just untyped a bunch of stuff that showed how vicious a cycle anxiety is. Meh. If you've been there, you know.
Anyway if you suffer anxiety in any form, I've got your back. It's a tough row to hoe, but I hear it can be done.
