Consider yourself forewarned: this is not a pretty little post. Not at all.
Scene: Outside on the terrace, in the family car, or at night tucking someone in and suddenly out "it" comes and "it" is not pretty.
How can they treat me as if I have no feelings? I am a person.
Words like these are a dagger to a mother's heart. The story spills out and so do the tears. More cruel, cutting words and I wonder how much a child can take. It is all I can do not to, not to.....I don't know..... sit the offender(s) in a corner for a long, long time. Like forever long is what I'm talking about. Let all your friends graduate, go to college, get married and then, maybe then we'll discuss if you've been sitting there long enough. If I'm not still fuming, that is.
And then I wonder how did my mom do it? How did she survive 6 kids going through the aches and hurts of adolescence? How? (Because right now I am tempted to retreat to my world of books and exercise and nature just so I won't have to watch. But then I know that is leaving my children to the wolves and that I can't do. At least, that one instinct is all that is keeping me present and not going AWOL. At least I have that instinct. At least.)
I know there are some moms out there who have no idea what this feels like because their kids are the ones doing the mean things. Sometimes it is intentional, sometimes careless, and sometimes these kids (and their mothers) are mostly oblivious to how they affect others. One thing is certain they are not the ones sitting home, feeling left out, being mocked, ignored or put down. They just go on their merry way sowing seeds of mean, whether or not they mean to.
Sigh. (I am allowed at least a sigh, right?)
I barely survived my own growing up years. I never realized that I might have to go through it all over again as an observer and one with a very vested interest, at that. Part of this is what makes church hard for me. I know that we are all people more or less doing the best we can with what we know, but it's still hard to watch the mistakes people make and the fallout created by those mistakes. A love for Christ should bring us together, unite us. Shouldn't it?
I think I am all stoppered up with words, my brain is an absolute jumble and the right things just won't come out. I know what I mean, but the words are failing me. I am not communicating. So I think just this once I will go read a book. Just this once.
Side note: If I had to pick, I would still rather my child be on the receiving end rather than the giving end of such poor behavior.
Side side note: This doesn't end at adulthood, as long as you're a mother you still feel keenly the hurts and triumphs of one of your own. Blast this motherhood thing with its goods and bads!
I mean, what's mother to do? Any of you who've been through this...do you have any suggestions? Obviously the sitting in the corner thing isn't going to work out all that great.