Things my mother never told me or why you should never body surf with "falsies"

I continue to workout (I know I'm a little obsessed at the moment, but I promise I'll get over it), and I swear the only thing disappearing is my bust line (such as it is).

Oh, I joke about peanut butter augmentation, but this past week when I visited that den of sin Victoria's Schmeecret, the assistant checked, rechecked and then told me it was time to go down in band size again. She said this would, er also help in the cup size department. She then brought me the bra box for that band size.

It was a most discouraging process. Turns out that not even a smaller band size can counter the effects of gravity. In other words, there is no Miracle Bra miraculous enough. My assistant, bless her heart, tried to make it all better by clucking, "Now, now women have different types of breasts." My interpretation: yours are very different. And then she added, "Maybe you've heard of our inserts?"

Really, I hope she finds someone quite as helpful when her 20 year old body has up and deserted her, succumbing to gravity after all.

And as a reference to the title, trust me it is just common sense (not that I know from personal experience, or anything) although they might just come in handy as flotation devices.