Wednesday, July 8, 2009

How do I put this delicately? Oh yes, men look away

Consider yourselves warned.

Anywho, let's address one of the aspects of losing weight that, erm, leaves A LOT to be desired. Literally.

You've heard of the three body types: apple, pear, and what is that last one? Oh yeah, hourglass. Sadly I am of the pear variety and gravity is not my friend. When I am slender, and I'm talking pre-baby days, I'm uniformly thin (flat in other words). Flat butt, flat chest, flat stomach, thin legs. Which is lovely when you're thin because a Miracle Bra or Victoria's Secret can fix some of that flatness.

However, when I'm am not "slender" I resemble a water balloon - filling out at the bottom first and lastly near the top. Having lost thirty-plus pounds this year a majority of it has come off my waist and let's face it, my bust line. I am looking rather deflated these days.

Enter organic "implants." I first saw these back in the old days of Regis and Kathy Lee. It was back during the uproar over silicone implants and falsies were making a big comeback. Guess what their low-cost organic alternative was? Wait for it.

Peanutbutter in ziploc baggies. I KNOW!

Apparently it looks (and feels) just like the real thing. And should you get hungry and need a snack...just find a couple slices of bread and you're all set. Let's just hope no one bumps into you and leaves you with a PB explosion in your bra.

I'll let you know how it all works out.

16 comments:

andrea said...

Okay, that is hilarious. I just had this vision: Hiking through the forest with your PB baggie falsies and being attacked by a mob of hungry squirrels....it could happen. Think of the bunny in "Holy Grail".

Kristina P. said...

Who comes up with this crap!?!

Emma J said...

oh my . . . too funny the picture of the attack squad of squirrels.

Heffalump said...

Hmmmm...nothing like warm peanut butter...

Mrs. Organic said...

One of the perks to peanutbutter breasts is that they're highly moldable/conforming.

Tebbs Family said...

Do you prefer Extra Chunky or Creamy? ha ha

Loralee and the gang... said...

Peanut butter - huh. In ziplocks? I think my budget can handle that . . .
:~D

Lauren said...

I am so a pear and I hate it :(

Elizabeth-W said...

Another pear here, checking in.
Okay, are seriously telling me that you wouldn't start smelling like my kids' lunchboxes?
Because balancing the curvier figure against that smell and I'm going to prefer the pear shape.

Mrs. Organic said...

I know, right? Kathy Lee actually opened the bag of PB and spread it on some bread an ate it. You should have seen how big her eyes were when the lady suggested it as a cost saving measure.

Can you imagine what a significant other would think when you pulled those out? Run, run away!

carrie said...

That's the nuttiest thing I've ever heard.

Macy said...

Hilarious. So glad to have found your blog! Thanks for stopping by mine and leaving a comment.

Bree Biesinger Despain said...

I do imagine the smell would get little overwhelming on a warm day. Sweaty peanut butter boobs. Never thought I'd type that word combination . . .

Nancy Face said...

That is SOOO funny! If only I'd known that in junior high when I was stuffing my bra with toilet paper!

Oh, you think I'm kidding?

Lilac A. Rugg said...

This is what George Washington Carver REALLY had in mind when he invented peanut butter. Aw yeah!

b. said...

I'll give you some of mine.