The ones she made about being earnest. She is braver than I, and far more eloquent.
I am trying to walk the fine line between Earnest and Murmuring - really, where does one end and the other begin?
See all that empty space above? That's where I did a bunch of UNtyping because I can't make the words come out right. Know this - being a mom is (for me) the hardest and best thing I do and also don't do.
I love it, but sometimes I dread it. It tethers me and yet it grounds me. Being grounded is fine and all, but feeling tethered tends to kick in my Fight or Flight instinct - which, by the way, does not make for gentle, patient mothering.
I'm not talking about mothering a disabled child - that's a whole different story. I'm talking about mothering in general (and darn if I don't know where to place my commas in all these ramblings) it just doesn't come easy for me. I keep thinking, "I'm doing it wrong," and "How many hours of therapy will my adult children need because I'm doing it wrong," or better still, "Can I be turned into DCFS for denying my child access to a cell phone with unlimited texting?"
I wonder sometimes if I'm the only mom to feel this way. Do you understand what I mean by tethered, yet grounded? What are your remedies for balance? How do you keep the ties that bind without feeling strangled or selfish?
