Friday, February 20, 2009

In which my mother finds out more than she ever hoped to know

Over at Sue's place (which you must visit and then read everything she's written), she's hosting Very Funny Friday. Today's entry is a sort of Kissing Meme and she lists all her kisses/kissers. I thought I'd play along.

All individuals will remain nameless, since some of you know them and well, you never know who's reading. Despite what my mother and siblings may tell you, I was a pure delight to parent. Seriously, I was a good kid, relatively speaking. A disclaimer: I don't really remember all of these, but journals are a handy thing. Now, to begin.

1. First kiss was a boy I crushed on for a year. He had swoopy, blond hair. We were a "thing" - which means you pass notes, talk on the phone, brush hands and snicker in the hallways. It lasted over the summer into my sophomore year. I used to walk my dog every night just to see if he was up taking care of his horse. This particular night he was. He hopped the fence and met me over at the outbuilding. He delivered the deathblow to our "thing" because he'd been feeling too much pressure from his mom. I told him I'd better be going. He backed me up and put his hands on the wall on either side of my face. Now you can't get away, he says as he moves his face closer to mine. And then we bang teeth kiss. Yeah, I pretty much don't change his mind about ending it.

2. Takes me over a year to get up the nerve again. Number two is a boy I worked with. He is a riot (as my grams would say) and can't spell or use the King's English to save his life. He finally kisses me after we date for 6 or 7 months, then goes off to Greece and gets gummy with one of the choir girls on tour(maybe even marries her eventually, not sure). We still work together after that - awkward. Are you starting to see a trend here?

3. Crush on someone else forever. Unrequited. Out of the kissing scene. Sigh...

4. Go on a date to Junior Prom with my best friend's boyfriend (she'd already been asked) so it is really just so he can check up on her and not exactly a charity date. Right? I wear this suh-weet pink Southern Belle ginormous prom dress that barely fits into the car (Hint: do not take your mom to pick out prom dresses with you). It is a marathon date. I swear boys kick into a hormone-induced mauling coma whenever they get a glimpse of collarbone or cleavage (such as it was). Remember, this was my best friend's boyfriend. And when he drops me off he dives, DIVES in for the kiss. Never see it coming. My guilt alarms kicked in and I dodge it. Sort of. Never told her. He asks me if I could change and go back to his place for a movie. Yeah, that would be a good idea (let me just put on my turtleneck sweater).

5. Date two boys my family loves who previously were very kissy with their girlfriends, but all we do is hold hands, cook together and play Super Mario. Trend continues.

6. Grad night. Kissed by one boy who is a horn player. Should be amazing, but is actually lackluster and sloppy. Get kissed by another, who I suspect had actually been hitting the punch a little too hard, not impressive. Completely forgettable. Trend continues in that I never hear from either one again.

7. Crush (#3) requited. Awesome. Romantic and sweet, best friends. Very good kisser (according to Mr. Journal). We spend two months making up for lost time. Then my parents ship me off to Washington - I may still have a little resentment over that. He leaves for 2 years. Best letter writer ever. Although we have occasion to see each other since, we never speak again.

8. Blind date. {shudder}. All I'm going to say is that there's nothing like looking up at a virtual stranger, starting to say something and then suddenly finding their tongue in your mouth, checking the size of your tonsils. Nearly vomit. Serious Listerine-rinse-and-spit evening. Last blind date ever.

~Aside~ Receive marriage proposal from someone, via mail, whom I had never kissed. I imagine that if I had kissed him, he'd never have proposed. You know, that trend thing again.

9. The One, my soulmate (or so I thought). Electrifying, a bit of an addiction really. Bring home his engagement ring, parents not thrilled (gross understatement), institute six month cooling off period (for which I bear no resentment now).

10. I meet Mr. Organic by pure chance (or divine intervention) - strangely enough it all starts because he bears a resemblance to Mr. #7. He changes my life. I'm happier than any one person deserves to be. We go through a lot in our 18 years and we stay together, happily. Oh, and the fact that he's an amazing kisser is just a bonus.

Something interesting, all of these guys except for #4 (I never met her) and #8 (of course!) had moms I adored. Even Mr. Aside. Since this is now a meme, I tag you. Come on, pony up. Tell me when you post, please, I love snooping about reading what you have to say.


Kristina P. said...

I've only kissed like two guys! Can you believe it! I wish I were sluttier.

Mrs. Organic said...

It could be one of your resolutions for next year...

Only three of mine really count.

Sue said...

Requited crushes are the best. My numbers #6 and #7 were both guys I crushed on for an embarrassingly long time, and the first kiss with each was totally thrilling. The RELATIONSHIPS (or lack of) on the other hand...

Millie said...

Hmmmm, I'd have to think long and hard about this one.

And then not post it because it would have to be on Facebook, and possibly read by my first kiss.

Heffalump said...

My list would be too long...I guess I just had irresistable lips because I would meet a guy and he would get all cross eyed and then move in for the kill.
The saddest thing is that despite all of those kisses (not even going to tell you the # of guys it was) I didn't really enjoy kissing.
When D and I started dating he said he didn't want to kiss until we were engaged, and I loved the idea because there was no pressure at the end of a date, and because we would be engaged because we loved each other, not because we were good at kissing.
Anyhow...after we got engaged and kissed, I was very happy to find that I liked kissing him! Maybe I just needed to be in love first...

athena said...

my story would be very short and boring.

athena said...

actually r-rated too. so sorry, can't tell!

Mrs. Organic said...

Sue - I'd have to agree, but divine intervention is also right there at the top.

Millie - So? Mine is too. Ancient history, and all that.

Heff - Wow! I'm afraid I was completely resistable (at least until the last bit). Seriously, how many?

Athena - Do tell. Private email ;)