Stuff I did (during my two month reprieve)

I made about eight quilts, and this one is Michelle's. I finished up projects I hadn't touched since our fun brush with cancer six years ago. In fact, I'd been superstitious that finishing the projects would result in a return of The Cancer. I'm happy to say that [so far] I was wrong.

Maybe I'll get ambitious and photograph the remaining four quilts I haven't posted yet. It felt good to hold a camera again, to enjoy the beauty in the small things. Which is almost as good as it felt to eat a cookie bar and ice cream last night. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

Phonetic spelling is my favorite:

Translation:

Do not disturb mom

Knock first

Mom does not feel good

She did it all by herself.

Confession Time

Right here, this is where I tell you that I believe in my kids. I believe in them enough to let them learn their own lessons. (Insert small, random diatribe here. Please note my self-restraint). Who's with me? How do you lean? Do you tend to direct/save your kids or let them feel natural consequences (good and bad) while the stakes are relatively small? (Just so we're clear, I don't mean stuff like letting them run out in the street when they're toddlers). Does anyone know what I mean? Am I talking to myself? Preaching to the choir? Also, why does it feel like I'm yelling?

Tonight, Ellie came in looking like a shepherd with a golden headdress. I asked her who she was and she came right back with, "Little Yellow Riding Hood."

In other news, Mr. O has taken Thanksgiving matters into his own hands (my, how I do love him) and we will have traditional turkey day fare. Maybe I will even make pie. I mean there's still 15 hours before dinner tomorrow, why rush things? In related news, if you have a spare pie I know of a good home.

P.S. It's true, I didn't take all the photos on the last post. My kids have good eyes too. I love that they look at the small things in life too. Guess I have taught them something after all.

Analogous

Another week, another round of Ellie-isms.

Her most thoughtful musings come when we're in the car:

Mom, right now when we're so far away it seems like I'm bigger than the mountain, like I could squish it. But that's not really so, when you get up really close you can see just how big it is and how really small you are.


You're right.

I bet it's the same way with Jesus, you can't see how big He is until you're really close to Him.
(Yes, she really talked this way when she said it)

****

She was helping me with the laundry the other day when she came across Mr. O's jock strap. She held it up above her head: What the HECK is this?


I gave her a brief explanation and later overheard her telling someone: My dad wears it on his head when he plays sports to betect (protect) against balls.


I'd say she got it about 1/4th right.

****

We drove past the cemetery where her grandfather is buried and she asked, Do people really get buried in the ground when they die?

Yes, they do.

Well, we should dig a hole where they put grandpa, bring up his box, open it up and see him! Then we don't have to miss him.


This is the same daughter who mentions that she wishes she were dead and when I bring up the fact that we would miss her she tells me, Well I won't miss you 'cause then I will be able to see everyone whoever I want.

It was all yellow

Last night Ellie told me that there was something wrong with her "froat": Because mom, when I talk it sounds like a stranger.

She has now, just two days ago, learned to swim underwater, and she is a regular fish. This makes me happy and sad at the same time. Before you know it she'll be wanting her two front teeth for Christmas and driving. I wish I could could keep her this age forever where she she still thinks the sun rises and sets by my command.

Today she made me a "yellow" snack--a plate with a cut up banana, and oatmeal cookie and a diced Yukon gold potato (raw). I ate the whole thing and it was the best yellow I've ever had. I did stop her before she tried slicing up jalapenos for my "green" snack.

You Guys

It's nearly been a week. One whole week. I feel human again.

I cleaned like a mad woman today and it felt good. Very good. My aunt saw me down on my hands and knees wiping up dust bunnies (behind the entertainment center, no less--where no one can even see them, I know!) and said, "You must be feeling better."

It's felt like this past week has been holding it's breath, waiting for the pain to come creeping back, but it hasn't. Hallelujah! See also: knock on wood.

The cloud has left my fuzzy brain, and I no longer feel as if everything is moving in slow motion - like the very air is thick as gelatin. In an effort to speed up the purging and rescue my system from the onslaught of medicines, I've taken to drinking Green Smoothies.

I'd heard rumors they were delicious, but come on, there's loads of spinach in there, they couldn't possibly taste anything but offensive. I'm glad to say that was wrong-headed of me. Here's a before and after shot:

I like to cut up half an apple, a fresh strawberry or two, add in some handfuls of spinach, water, a tablespoon of seeds (chia, hemp, or ground flax) and frozen fruit. Blend. Drink.

Drink some more. Feel the green replace the gunk.
***
I sewed this weekend. A lot. And all of it by hand. I'm beginning to think these quilts will get made after all. I love how they're turning out, too bad I accidentally snipped a hole in my sweats.
***
Ellie informed me that tomorrow is her hopping-on-one-foot class where she is practicing her Easter dance and perfecting her game technique (said game involves hopping (of course) on one foot (of course) whilst holding a stick and tossing a golf ball). I don't know about you, but I can't wait for Easter to arrive.

Listen to your heart

So this morning Ellie announced that she wished she had a parrot instead of Bluey the fish.

I mean fish don't even fatch(sic) anyfing. Do you fink I could have one.

Pros and cons of parrot ownership were discussed.

But mom, parrots are so bee-yootiful. At night I would just keep him on my nightstand, not to snuggle, but just to look at him.

Various barriers to entry of ownership, namely exorbitant price and the animal's comfort, were also discussed.

I bet dad would give you a fousand of dollars.

It was made clear that dad would not, in fact, hand over such a sum of money for a bird, no matter how beautiful or soft its feathers.

Not to be deterred she added, I know. I have goggles, you could frow money in the pool, and I'll go under water and get it.

And then she figured out that it would be more underwater time than she'd thought.

So do you fink I could get a porcupine instead?
****
On the way to the grocery store we were discussing manners and how she could politely ask the cashier for a balloon.

I should say please and may I.

Yes, that's polite and it's nice to be polite.

Yeah, so you don't make dat one guy happy.

Who?

You know dat guy what likes it when you say bad words. Not Jesus.

Satan?

Yeah. Wait, you know him?
****
Now, as for listening to your heart. I mean literally. Does it speak to you? Lately mine does. If I get moving quickly, it whispers loudly, "Ea-sy, Ea-sy, Ea-sy," in my ear, I can hear it. I don't know about you, but I'm rather  inclined to listen to that voice. Then I breathe deep, slow breaths and the whisper gently fades away into a peaceful, happy heart.

Neck/back update: numbness is still spreading (all the way to back of my hand), I have a dull ache in the top of my forearm and in my triceps, and my hand still falls asleep instantly when ever I lean forward. Also, the past few days I've had numbness in my lips, teeth and tip of my tongue (possibly medicine  related). The pain is more of an always present, dull ache instead of the stabbing/twisting of a knife type. So, there's that. I'm not complaining, just recording.

One of my favorite Ellie stories so far

Those of you who don't tweet miss some of her most candid moments. This week she came up to me, in a bumbling-about/who-turned-off-the-lights, measured sort of way and then said, How do you like it? I'm all ready for biking:

Then last night, just before we'd remembered my year long quest to make birthdays more special (monthly dates with the kids on or about the date of their bday) and that it was Ellie's turn, she came up to me and said, I'm a Mammothiphant or an Elliemammoth:

But that's not the best part of last night. No, the best part was that Mr. O got to see what every second of every minute with Ellie in the car with you is like for me. They dropped me off at the pharmacy, while they returned a movie and when they picked me up afterwards, she started in

Mom, could I tell you a gross fing-gee about a little child who's just two?

Yes, you could tell me a gross thing about a little child who's just two. (I am at this point, already smiling in anticipation)

Well, there was this girl who was just two and she sticked both her fingers in her nose, all the way up her nose (she placed her fingers alongside each nostril for effect). So far up, her fingers got cut off from surgery and she bleeded, and she died.

Me (stifling laughter, because this is some pretty serious business): Oh? Where did you hear about this? From a friend? (I should so know better)

Oh no, it was on this show I sawed on TV called "Sad Stuff What Happens to Little People". And do you know what else was on that show? 


How did you see this show, I watch TV with you and I've never seen this show? (still straight-faced, I'm such a tease sometimes)

Well you and dad were on your date night and Spielberg was upstairs and Michelle and Nicole were playing with friends and I sawed it. Do you know what else was on that show, mom? This one's not gross, only sad. There was this baby who was just barely four....


Wait, this baby was four?


No, she was just barely BORNed and she touched a forn (thorn) and it went all the way frew her finger and her mom had to get a needle. No two needles. Her mom had to get two needles and stick them all the way under her fingernail to take that forn out and her nail comed off. Isn't that sad?


Yes, that is so sad. (I had tears, people)

At this point I busted a gut. Not to say that babies' fingernails coming off isn't a very sad thing indeed, it is, but you had to see Ellie's delivery. The entire evening went on in this vein, and at one point I looked at Mr. O and said, That little girl right there is our Retirement Plan. He agreed - we'll never get bored with her around.


Which reminds me of this:

And now if you'll excuse me, my ears need a nap.

Numb-ditty, numb-ditty, numb, numb, numb (Dr. Seuss, represent)

Yesterday was the best day I've had so far since the whole neck/back thing started. I had the least amount of numbness, I mean the same area is still numb, just not as frequently.

So of course I started a project. I have 50 of 400 yoyos completed. I figure the girls will now have something quiet to do while I read to them (actually, it's sort of addicting so it doesn't count as slave labor...no, it's really more of a drug-pushing thing).

And of course today the numbness is trying to come back, and the pain is now on my left side. But hey, I squeezed in all the cutting out for Nicole and Ellie's quilts. Happy Wednesday!

Ellie-ism:

Mom, sometimes I go "puh-beet, puh-beet" so strangers won't know I'm really a special grasshopper.

Love and Stuffs

And this is just one of the exchanges we had today:

Me (to Mr. O): I'm ready to go when you are, Honey.

Ellie: Mom, is Honey a boy name?

Me: No.

Ellie: Then why are you calling dad Honey?

Me: Well, that's what people say to people they love, that's why I sometimes call you honey, too.

Ellie (quiet for a moment, then with surprise):Oh. You love him?

****

I've been inspired by the annual list Christina at My Topography makes (lower sidebar) and am in the middle of compiling my own 40 ways to celebrate 40. Do you have any suggestions for me? What sorts of things would be on your list?

Can you smell me now?

I'm on day three (or is it 4) of wearing the exact same clothes. In fact you might even say that pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt are my new uniform. I know it's disgusting, but at this point, we all should all be glad that I have on any clothes at all, because I don't really care. On the plus side: less laundry.

My spinal headache is slowly going away - I can now be upright for about 3 hours before it hits me again. I'm too much of a wimp to go in for a blood patch. My eyes are fatiguing so quickly that I'm finding myself reaching for reading glasses more and more. I'm not sure if it's a side effect of the pain meds or just a part of getting older.

Our neighbors have been especially good to us, bringing food in and such. Thank you neighbors, I'm on a two week restriction from doing pretty much everything. Thank you auntie Moana for helping me so much and of course, the biggest thank you goes to Mr. O who just steps in and does what needs doing (and without any complaining).

I made it to the bookstore and purchased two books to get me through my lazy days. Right now I'm reading I Am Number Four and so far, so good.

***

We had Christmas three days early (which I liked) and everyone got in the holiday spirit. Ellie especially enjoyed wrapping her gifts to us. Everyone got one or two Spanish flash cards from her. It was hilarious, she said it was so we could learn to speak different Spanishes like her.

In the car (which is where she shares her best gems), Ellie said I know who doesn't have a Christmas tree at Christmas.

Mr. O: Who?

Ellie: Satan. Becept he's really naughty.

Sharp as a tack that Ellie is.

Some People

Sometimes I wait too long to take off my wedding rings for the night and then my knuckles are the size of olives.

Yes, it's true, I have Olive Knuckles. I know you're jealous, but we can't all be so blessed.

The past two (make that four) nights I have had my old friends Insomnia and Anxiety over for a visit. I try and try to get them to leave but they insist on staying and chatting me up all night. They don't even get my subtle hint that perhaps they have overstayed their welcome when Melatonin shows up. I tell you, some people are just thick-headed.

I went to the hospital to register for my upcoming surgery. I asked the nurse if it would be okay for me to write a note on my abdomen - "No touchy, no cutty" (they already screwed up my belly button/tummy 20 years ago when I had my tubal pregnancy. I mean let's just leave well enough alone). She said no. I tell you, some people just have no sense of humor.

I get to start a low fiber diet in two days. Um, guys? Low fiber is hard. No fruit. At all. I live on apples and blueberries right now. That pretty much just leaves chicken broth and yogurt. Which pretty much means I am going to starve. (Note to self: eat all the Oreo Truffles now as a preventative.)

I can never pee after anaesthesia (epidurals especially), but I learned a little secret - Coke makes you pee. You're welcome. (Note to self: buy Coke.)

And in completely unrelated events:
Ellie said to me, Mom we shoulda buyed those, what are they called? Oh yeah, Crazy Muffins.

I said, You mean English Muffins?

She said, Yeah, same thing.

Some people are just so clever.

Superwoman or Stoopid?

Remember that lovely trip to the doctor's office? I usually ask my mom to come along, but this time I took Ty and Ellie on my own, because I am either Superwoman or stoopid (same thing, really).

Please notice the sticker on Ellie's dress for later.


It's the sort of appointment that takes an hour to get to, an hour or two of waiting for the doctor, and an hour of driving home (made significantly longer by stopping for sweets for Ty's teacher and classroom aides (just because, sweets for the sweets you know?)


and picking up these lovelies)

Which Ty grew himself (with the help of Mark, his intervener).

It turns out that Horticulture is one of Ty's favorite classes this year. He has to measure his plants everyday and note whether they have grown, and he has to care for them. This wouldn't be possible without Mark's help, of course - but it's something Ty looks forward to (also Ty's plants were the biggest and best in the greenhouse, very awesome).

Anyhow, as we're walking out of the high school (and let's not forget I'd spent the morning at the hospital and run into the Sweet Tooth Fairy) Ellie says to me, Mom where's your sticker?

Aside: Remember the sticker I told you to remember for later? The big one that says VISITOR? Yeah, that one.

I look down, Hmm, I don't know. Maybe I threw it away already.

No you didn't. I sticked it on your back.

Oh? You're a funny girl. I'm sure I threw it away.

Nope, want to me take it off?

Me, with big eyes as realization dawns: Uh...yes, please.

Turns out she'd put it on my back within 10 minutes of arriving at the doctor's office and I'd worn it that way, oblivious, for three hours. Love that Ellie girl.

Let's all be glad....

that I didn't post last night. Ambien and Blogger is not a good combination. Entertaining and embarrassing? Yes. Coherent and rational? No.

I get to have a Girls' Weekend starting in about 4 hours. To say I am excited is an understatement. I am looking forward to good company and no responsibilities as well as warmer temps.

***
Last night, I overheard Spielberg ask Ellie: Was that a fart?

Her response: No! It was two.

She has been experimenting with saying no or talking back, and it's like she's two all over again. At two talking back was a lot more charming. Bleh.

***
I have a hard time watching my kids learn hard lessons, but I know they need to be learned.

I'm thinking that with my parenting skills, I might have a future in piloting helicopters. I'm just saying.
***
I want to knit myself a sweater now that it won't take eleventy billion skeins of yarn (you know, on account of how slimmer-ish I am), but it's so hard to decide.

Maybe this one?


Hmm, it will still take a heckuva ton of yarn and the way I knit - at least two lifetimes to complete it. I still like it. (But seriously, who wears white pants?)

It's Torture Up In Here, Y'all

The only upside to this chilly weather is that it puts me more in the mood to use the kitchen for more than just piling up stacks of paper.

Which means I have cooked 5 out of the last 7 nights (6 if you count leftover's night), and that is something of a record lately. It also means that my plans to lose 20 pounds by Christmas have hit a bit of a snag. (I'm down 14 lbs so far, but the smells of cinnamon and pumpkin are TORTURE and Heaven at the same time).

I made this pumpkin bread from Toni's Dutch Oven Madness site to share with my grandma.

I substituted -
the pumpkin for a homemade acorn squash/pumpkin puree
unsweetened applesauce for half the butter
1 cup of whole wheat (finely ground) flour for one of the cups of white flour
and honey for about 1/3 of the sugar
and I baked it in 3 loaf pans rather than a dutch oven.

And it was fabulous. I know because I sneaked a taste. And now that taste is residing on my hips, time to serve that fat an Eviction Notice.

Menu this week:
Homemade chicken BBQ pizza, and homemade crazy bread (cinnamon rolls for an after dinner)
Breakfast Burritos and a side of peaches from our tree
Chicken enchilada soup with cornbread
Baked potatoes and chili
Caramelized chicken salad with pomegranate and citrus
Tri-tip roast with garlic roasted veggies

****
In other news, the kids found a lost dog on Sunday and have been keeping her in the yard with our dog (on the right) while they pass out "Found: Lost Dog" flyers. Our dog tolerates the newcomer and the kids, well they are in love and secretly (or not so secretly) hoping the owners meant to lose her.


I overheard Ellie laying down the law with the dog:

These are the rules of the backyard:
Number One: No sniffing butts!
Number Two: Be quiet (no barking)!
Number Three: Share!

And there you have it - The Keys to a Long and Happy Life, courtesy of a 5 year old.

The last one, I promise*

I've taken Ellie for two separate 17 mile rides this week. Our halfway point is a park with an groovy set of monkey bars. Which, by the way, she can traverse like, well, like a speedy little monkey. She loves it, so we make sure to pit stop there.

There are quite a few up hills and one gloriously long down hill (to which she commented, This is so great! I was getting too hot and now I'm feeling a little bit cold. I love it!) on our route.

Anyway, we have this little system for navigating hills that goes like this:

Mom, are we going uphill right now?

Gasp. Yes. Pant.

Oh man, dis sure is a big hill, so I can't talk to you.

That's -huff- right -puff-.

I can't wait until we are on the downhill side of it.

In my head ('cuz my lungs are barely functional): Me either, me either.

Mom, did you hear me 'cuz I'm still gonna talk - only not to you, just myself. Becept out loud.
***

One other thing that happened is we hit a part of the trail where some doofus Parks & Rec staff member had poured fine sand about 2 inches deep next to a busy road. It was tricky to navigate without tipping the bike. I even had to hop off quickly, gashing the back of my leg with the pedal. I may have said, "That was damned dangerous."

How come mom?

Because sand hates bike tires and can tip you over and we are right next to a very busy road.

And when we got across to the other side, she said, Boy that sure was damned dangerous too. Dere is lots of sand all over that trail part.

Kudos to her for nailing the context.

*Except with how cute she is, there's bound to more material. I promise to keep some of them to myself.

Pass the tissues, please

Words I will mourn when she learns how to say (use) them properly:

Crash-can
Jungling (as in, Can you jungle these cards for me? )
Helmo (as in, I'm a rully good bike rider, I don't need ta wear a helmo)
Anyfing
Hers (as in, Hers being rully mean and her never lets me do anyfing I want! Hmmph.)

***
On our last bike ride I turned on the GPS on my phone to track our route, then I put in one of my headphones and listened to her with my other ear. But it was windy and the listening was tricky.

Mom, what is that counting noise? I hear someone talking.

Is it my music?

No, it's not music noise, it's counting.

I don't hear anything.

Just take out your music and listen.

I do.

I don't hear anything.

You just listen, he will come back. He's gonna talk some more. I fink it's a space ship.

Just then I hear a British accent announcing: 2.6 miles, speed: 13 miles per hour (only it sounds more like puh are).

***
Just this morning while I was doing her hair she says, I don't get it. How does Jesus make you come alive? You know when you get borned? How does He DO that?

I respond, Well, how do you think?

She peered over her fingers at me, pursed her lips in thought, then raised her eyebrows and offered a guess, Magic?

Honey, Jesus isn't magic.

I know. Just fairies are.

But fairies aren't real.

She looked reprovingly at me, Tooth Fairy.

Oh. Yeah, tooth fairy.

Silly mommy.

Minchatas and Gang Signs

Ellie had a "minchata" for her birthday (thank you grandma and grandpa). What? You don't do those? But it's so fun to whack at them and then make a mad scramble once all the candy comes pouring out.

Every morning the light bounces off the hall mirror and makes these streak of rainbows on the floor. Ellie loves to lie down in them and slowly turn her head while looking down, "Oh mom! Everything is blue, is purple!" I am pretty sure she will not go blind doing this.

"Mom, I'm doing the plus, plus equal signs." (mathematician gang signs, yo!)

Also, girls play with train tracks differently than boys do. Who knew?

And lastly, a bambino project I recently finished.

And further lastly, Ty has been sick this weekend. I doctored him with some oils and presto! no fever today. Coincidence? I will keep testing with my apothecary cabinet and get back to you.

Most lastly, I experimented on myself. I have some notes that say to take 2 drops each of lavender, peppermint and lemon oils under your tongue for allergy relief. I was pretty sure it wouldn't work, because I am a skeptic and all that. But! I am not sneezing and my nose has quit running like a faucet. Huh.

Her captive audience

Make-Up Monday

Ellie came tearing into the house in full high-pitched wail. You know, the kind where you can't catch your breath because the owie hurts so bad. Her sister came running in after her so I asked what happened.

A rock fell on her head.

Fell on her head?

Well, I was sort of looking at it and it sort of dropped on her.

By now a nice sized goose egg was forming smack dab in the middle of Ellie's forehead. I tell ya, you gotta look out for rocks. Rocks is dangerous. Thank goodness for Dora bandaids, they make everything better. (She now has a bruise the size of a quarter).


Remember that trip to the mountains I took? The one with friends? They all worked on their quilting projects, but since I'm on a break with quilting I took some knitting instead.

These are some fun slouchy socks that I'm trying to figure out as I go.

Cute alert: an owl hat for my niece

Perfect to go with an owl dress

Oh look, a sweater I meant to finish making up for a baby boy LAST fall. Oops. Too bad there are no little baby boys on the way.

And my mom's Christmas (yes, last Christmas - but now her birthday) scarf is finished.

It's my first experience making lace. Was fun. What are you making up these days?

And that's all I have to say about that

Panda Express + Diet Dr. Pepper + Monster Energy drink + 9 PM = not such a great idea after all

P.S. Should your four year old decide to play hide and seek (and not tell you) while you are paying for your Sweet Fire Chicken, and then you start looking for her thinking she must have picked out a table already and then you realize how very quiet it is (and trust me, it's never quiet with her around), you will just begin to panic as you realize the tour bus full of um, tourists is just pulling out and your daughter is nowhere to be found, you will start to call her name, growing more frantic as she doesn't respond and people will start to look up at you and prepare their statements for the 10 o'clock news/Amber Alert (What a horrible mother, she was more concerned about sticky rice and fortune cookies than holding on to her 4 year old's hand, it's tragic really).

AND THEN

said four year old will jump out from behind the trash cupboard and "RAHR!" at you and you will be oh so glad that you've already been to the Ladies' and emptied your bladder, but you might almost pass out from the double whammy of surprise that 1) she is not kidnapped after all and 2) damn! is she ever good at hide and seek.

P.P.S Probably you will discover a whole new shock of gray hair that night. Probably. I'm just sayin'.