Sideways Bottom

I haven't just hit bottom with all this ear pain, I've hit sideways bottom. As in my lower-half (bottom) is getting more and more sideways. I've decided that the only thing worse than feeling the pain is to feel all tired and muffiny on top of everything. Or muffin-toppy. So I'm quitting my medicinal helpers and getting back down to the business of being fit and healthy. Join me, won't you?

This rice bag and I are the best of friends these days. I heat it up, put it on my pillow, make a little hollowed-out spot for my ear to rest in and then...I lay down and the spikes coming out of my eyeball recede ever so slightly.

My friend and doula made it for me as a gift when I had Ellie. Who knew that six years (and a few mended rips) later it would still bring me comfort?

In the garden, there's a row of peppers still waiting to be yanked out by their stems. I've resisted pulling them out so that I can photograph their hunched-over spines. I'm sympathetic to these peppers. I know how they feel, and somehow pulling them out after they're all used up seems to hit too close to home. I feel like a bit of traitor using them like that. We won't talk about me putting them in salsa to swim with mangoes...that's entirely different.

I have enough photos for my month of sunsets, but I don't want to post them as that will feel like a sunset on my sunset photos. It's a conundrum, I tell you.

So I didn't ruin Christmas after all

Ty has a chest cold.

That means no surgery for him.

At least not yet

We'll likely not get a new date until April.

Which stinks because he will be in a lot of pain until then.

But, I guess this means that his Christmas won't be spent in a body cast...

So there's that.

Always look on the bright side of life.

It's all downhill from here

At least, that is what I'm telling myself. On Monday, I had the worst migraine I can imagine and it only crushed half of my head. I thought I was going to die because maybe I'd had an aneurysm, but I was too embarrassed to go to the hospital because what could they do? I'd used every weapon in my arsenal and the only thing left was a route I didn't want to take.

So that sucked. (I'm not even going to apologize for saying suck, because it sucked with a capital S-U-C-K). But it's all good because I woke up on Tuesday.

Some of these photos are months old by now, but I love this shot from my son's first high school date dance~

And this sunset~

And basically, all things red this time of year~

I wake up every day wondering if things will be better.
Sometimes they are. And sometimes they're not.

But really what counts, is that I'm surrounded by people on whom I can count.

People who love me even if they don't understand--even if I can't understand what the hell is going on. Why must it always "never rain, but it pours"?

Soon Ty will need to count on me, and I'm hoping I've got one more in me. He's having major surgery the week after Thanksgiving. Major, major surgery. As in sporting a body cast for 6-8 weeks after, major surgery. He will be okay, as he always is. He is a fighter and mostly he doesn't complain.

He is a fabulous example to me. I love that kid. I love all my kids. Lately, I don't think I'm good enough at letting them know. Pain is a thief. It robs you of normal you. You put so much energy into coexisting with it that it leaves you worn out, a shell of your former self.

To shell with that, I say. I've got cookie dough to make and eat with the kids. There is no way I have it in me to make Thanksgiving happen, but we can still make memories.

We can enjoy the ride.

Grateful Gertie

Doesn't Gertie sound like the name of someone who could be your favorite aunt? I need to invite her over more often. At least the Grateful part.

Thank you for your support, it really does get me through. I tried to respond to each of you, but some of you don't leave behind an email trail...just know I'm extremely grateful to each of you for your words of encouragement.

So we've established that lately I've gotten especially good at laying around, directing affairs from from the couch/bed, and generally being a lump. In fact if one could get paid for this, I'm sure I'd be somewhere in the six figures range...I'm that good.

In the beginning, I was able to go shopping and plan menus in my head... at least in the morning. Then dinner time would roll around and the not taking of pain management materials (in order to be able to be mom-ly ish) would catch up to me. I was spent, my focus lost, and emergency calls were made to Mr. O and take-out was brought in.

The poor children. Poor Mr. O. Perfectly good fixings were in the fridge and yet I think I managed only one cooked meal per week these past 2 months (and that's being generous); some of those even came out of bags in the freezer or boxes in the pantry (yes, Kraft dinner) but! they were made at home so that sort of counts, right? Right?! But mostly the meat and veggies purchased with Monday Morning's Optimism were left to become Sunday's Stash of Stench and Stank.

I felt so guilty about it (the complete waste and stinking mess) that I would stealthily freeze the rotten meat so we wouldn't completely offend our neighbors and then put them in the garbage under cover of darkness for Monday's pick-up. Wash. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I suck. I know. The first step is acceptance. Right? Also, I've stopped grocery shopping altogether. As far as I know, cold cereal and frozen pizza never killed anyone.

Just a handful of some of the things it takes to keep me somewhat functioning. Those yellow pills are what is keeping me from chucking myself in the green garbage bins for a Monday morning pick-up myself. The doctor has now doubled my dose in an effort to calm the nerve to my middle ear the freak down. Cross your fingers that it works.

I did manage to make two birthday cakes of freaking awesome: See also Zucchini Chocolate Cake.

AND! My sister and a friend were my designated drivers for two days of redecorating madness.

We sold the green beast to a sorority girl who was so cute and tiny I want to adopt her or at least keep her in my pocket. We also sold the tapestry clam-shell chairs and started with a clean slate. Want to know the secret for selling on ksl.com or craigslist? List the price as $0 and say make me an offer. We sold everything for the price we originally had in mind, but didn't get a single call until we listed the price as "make me an offer".

I am in love. This room feels comfortable even though it is a complete switch for me. I am not a person who likes blue. At all. So I guess I've been converted. I have never made decorating decisions so quickly, but it helps to have someone along with an eye for potential. The only thing left is to figure out is the ottoman. Could I maybe tackle recovering the existing beat-up ottoman? What do I have to lose?

Things seem to be getting better in the pain department, but it is hard to know if we are covering up a problem or solving it. I'll keep you posted. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rip out the rest of the garden with this week's batch of Monday Morning's Optimism.

Goblins with a side of irony

First off, I know some people who will appreciate the irony of this biking video. (via Eric Snider)

In other news, I can cross something off my 40 for 40 list. No, make that two somethings:

12. Family road trip

37. Rent an RV

We travelled to Goblin Valley for an impromptu family reunion of sorts. My brother, Chad, is a camping rock star. And so is his wife. They go all the time and they do it up right. He made scones and Peachy Pear cobbler. His wife made a pulled pork roast, Cafe Rio style.

Meanwhile, we roasted hotdogs and cooked Frilis (chili over Fritos). We are so gourmet, I know. (Please to notice: Mr. O and his obliging me in photoing his famous legs. That is some serious awesome).

We hopped goblins, went on  a day hike to explore a small cave and played in the river bank. Yes, it was hot, but Goblin valley is also windy (hence the goblin formations) so it wasn't too bad.

Thank heavens for air conditioning. And bug spray. My natural stuff worked for awhile,  too bad we didn't know the Bounce dryer sheet trick (even though I never use dryer sheets, but desperate times/desperate measures, etc).

We had never rented an RV before, and I have to say that I don't ever want to go back to tent camping. If I could have a dream job, it would be reviewing/testing out RVs and getting paid to do it. Now all I need to do is get famous and have sponsors bending over backwards to make this dream come true. Minor details.

We came back and had one more night with our RVs, so we camped up our local canyon. That felt more like the camping I'm used to--no gnats, plenty of pine and aspens.

Not that Goblin Valley didn't have foliage.

It's just completely different.

So, what vacations are you planning this summer? Are you planning something completely different?


PS I thought of another thing that should be on that list, now I just need two more. Any ideas?

Hot, hot, cold, cold

We had a brief respite from the cold last weekend. It lasted about two and a half days.

Now it's raining. A lot.

But it was warm and dry long enough for us to get the new soil mixed into the garden and the pre-plant fertilizers are thoroughly watered-in.

Now, if my plants can just hang on for the weekend, I'll get their roots in some lovely, rich earth.

We are trying a more vigorous approach to pruning the tomatoes this year. I have about 6 varieties and need to find three more Roma plants.

The other day Ellie told me she'd figured out the weather pattern, it's Hot, Hot, Cold, Cold. I think we are past due for some Hot, Hot.

In other news (for Tori, because I know this will make her laugh), one of my kids told me the other day: "Did you know that scientists think there are diamonds in Uranus?"

Had to remind myself that I'm not actually a 14-year old boy. I almost succeeded, but then she added: "you know, because it's so cold in there."

Ah ha ha ha! I couldn't help myself. Poor kid.

Probably the best thing that's ever happened to Ty (all of us, really)

Today was a day full of awesome. Remember how we took Ty to The Lower Lights concert and then I vlogged about it? And then Mindy Gledhill saw it? Turns out that first, Scott Wiley saw it and suggested that The Lower Lights come sing for Ty some day.

Guess what! Today was that day. And it was full of awesome. Please indulge me here while I recap in photos.

Setting up:

For The Beauty of the Earth. Something interesting, Ty normally startles to any new sound but I didn't see him startle once during the concert. He was enthralled. And so were the rest of us.

I think, here, Ty is a little bit hoping that if he can't see us (and there was a whole roomful of people who've worked with Ty over the years, as well as friends who've supported him through the tough times) then we will all disappear

But I caught him peeking out at Mindy. He still has a thing for blond hair, you see. She sang Anchor for him and as soon as she started to play the keyboard he raised his head and kept time with his elbow. Normally he waves his fingers.

We also enjoyed hearing Come, Ye Children of the Lord, All Through The Night and their signature hymn, The Lower Lights. It was all so beautiful.

I love this shot. I know if there had been time that Ty would've loved to run his fingers across that banjo. Once, when he was in the hospital for chemo, a neighbor brought up his electric guitar and played for Ty. It took his mind off of how miserable he was feeling and he actually opened up his fingers when I put them across the strings of the guitar. Ty loves string instruments.

Paul Jacobson sang The Little Drummer Boy for a finale, and it was beautiful. You can get your own copy of the song on the Mary's Lullaby album (which is filled with beautiful Christmas music). Ty finally got vocal right near the end of this song and sang out. We are definitely adding this song to our collection.

Left to right: Brian Hardy, Paul Jacobson, Mindy Gledhill, Scott Wiley, and Ryan Tanner. They all have individual music careers, check them out.

What a great group of people, they touched us with their generosity and talent. If I could sing like any of them, I'd never be content with just speaking ever again.

And now, right now, you should all go buy The Lower Lights album, because Sundays should always sound this good. I've heard a rumor that maybe there will be a Christmas album this year, fingers crossed - please to pray for this.

The Lower Lights, not just great musicians, but spectacular people too.

Ty gave Mindy one of the poinsettias he grew (beauty for the beautiful) and before they left I gave the guys their own package of one of our Christmas traditions - homemade mints (sweets for the sweet). Thanks to Brenda for snapping this photo.

Can a day get more lovely and perfect than this? I don't think so.

What are you waiting for? Go "Like" The Lower Lights on facebook and start enjoying their music today, you'll be glad you did.