Sunday, October 11, 2009

Lost and the way to getting found

1. What is my #1 goal right now: Getting fit and healthy so Mr. O won't have to push two wheelchairs when we're old and gray (I'd also like to be around to snuggle any grand babies in my future). It is becoming an obsession, but at least it's a healthy one, right?

2. Did I spend any time this week working towards it? Yes. I ran 8 miles (not all at once), but only did one workout. Every time I've gotten sick, I've had a terrible time getting back into my exercise groove. I resolve to find my groove this week.

3. What's an activity that makes me happy? Reading, knitting, sitting on the beach.

4. When was the last time I did it? This past weekend I did all three. Although I can hardly count the knitting since I spent four hours doing it wrong and had to rip it all out. Ripping out knitting is the cheapest form of therapy - you can rip something apart without the stress of potential jail time.

5. Am I contributing something positive to the world? What? This is a tough question. I've gotten rather lax in this area lately. I used to do a lot of advocacy work, and I used to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. Right now my time is filled with chauffeuring - lots of it, I mean copious amounts of taxiing, and I wonder if delivering my girls to various dance classes is time that could be better spent in some bigger way. One thing I do manage to do every week is listen to people. I like being a sounding board, I just wish I had the answers people are looking for. I resolve to find a way to serve a larger purpose.

6. Am I becoming who I want to be? Slowly, very slowly I am becoming. I still put up my own stumbling blocks, a sort of customized obstacle course. I know the kind of woman I want to be, but I let my weaknesses hold me back and have power over me.

I'm hoping that getting in the best shape of my life will help - it probably won't make me stop uttering profanities, but maybe it will help with the pain (or at least distract me from it) and I will certainly have more energy to serve others. And just maybe serving others will remind me that my own grass is perfectly green and lush.

You can go back to school, too. Read her story about the little boy lost. There is always someone out there to help you find your way back. Always.