Monday, June 15, 2009

Hormone Therapy - Organic or otherwise

is for the birds. And I am going to use a word here that I hate, but it's really the only one that can adequately describe HRT - Sucks BIG time.

I mean it has always been my dream to break out like I never did as a teen, to daily restrain the raging bull in my brain, to FREAK over the merest sound resembling the smacking of lips or the licking of fingers, not to mention the frequent, unexpected (albeit brief) drop-ins from Aunt Flo.

Also, I'm too young to be needing this. At all other times I feel old such as -

when my son slow dances for the first time with a girl and realizes that girls aren't half bad,

or when I have a sick toddler who requires me to get out of bed as soon as my head hits the pillow (late into the night) just so she can hear my voice soothing her just before she slips back into her fitful sleep,

and when I have to get up the next morning to run the girls to dance class and 9:00 AM feels strangely like 5:00 AM,

or when I actually do lie down to sleep and hurt in places I forgot I had just because I heeded the call of gardening and yard work,

you know?

So anyway, I am not yet 40 but feeling rather 70-ish (which I realize is not old but is so far away it feels ancient). Supposedly, the hormone therapy will make it easier for me to get fit, will help me sleep (hah!) better, and perhaps regulate, erm, things. I just hope Mr. O sticks around long enough for us to see if it will really work.

I give you exhibit A:
The other day cascaded into a spectacular meltdown. It started with me trying to get Spielberg to help me move Ty into the family room. He could not understand what I was asking him to do and so in a fit of frustration (and also superhuman strength) I picked up Ty myself (all 80 lbs, 5'2" of him) and tried to do it myself.

It was a monumental mom FAIL. I had to turn sideways to get him through the door, but at the same time I had to make sure I didn't bump his feet on the bed, hurting his hip (the one that's dislocated). Only thing is I didn't keep track of his head and he's grown some since I did it myself last so I accidentally bumped his head on the door frame. See? Mom FAIL.

I can't tell you how bad I felt because I know it hurt and it was a direct result of my impatience. Sigh.

Once I managed to get him out the door and on to the couch, I got upset (loudly) at Spielberg like it was his fault. It was all downhill from there. I launched into how nobody's room was clean enough, no child appreciated anything, and, in fact, they were all welcome to go to boarding school/boot camp and see just how tough life could be.

I know. You all want me to be *your* mother now.

I'm giving this treatment one more month. If I can't figure out how to keep all my marbles contained I don't care how many pounds stay put, it's just not worth it. I'd much rather be a sane, although lumpy, cookie-making grandma. Besides, who wants to cuddle with a bony granny?


b. said...

I get it, I really do.

But I was hoping that maybe getting ON hormone therapy will help.
If I'm reading's not helping? or do you just need to give it some more time?

Mrs. Organic said...

Let's just say that so far it's crazy making. In my case, I don't need any estrogen just progesterone. I wonder if that's the difference.

Heffalump said...

I hope you get things figured out soon!

Emma J said...

I'd still want you to be *my* mother - maybe I'd finally learn how to knit!

Hope next week goes much, much better.

And, tangenting off, Do you think maybe this Blogowood is our self-imposed writer's retreat? (How cost-effective of us!)

Kristina P. said...

Wow, what a sucky situation! I hope everything gets worked out soon.

The Gang! said...

I have been going through this rollor coaster since Dec! It will get better Patience Patience! Its going to be a virtue you need to learn! I did! it was not easy for anyone! I can relate to your whole paragraph up above! Going through the second part of it! All my Blessings and prayers for you and the Bod and the Family!:)

andrea said...

I'm sorry.

I was on Clomid for a bit trying to get pregnant with my 7 year old. It never worked, but it made me the craziest hormonal person on the block! It probably didn't work because I think my husband was even afraid of me!

Whew, my own hormones make me loopy, I can't imagine having extra. I hope things even out for you!

Mrs. Organic said...

Emma J - I'd much rather be cost-effective in a quaint cabin in the woods (minus the bears).

The Gang - I'm glad to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel (but, wow 6 months sounds like forever right now).

Andrea - I know. I think the thyroid cancer treatments have left me way out of whack. I just have to keep tweaking to find the right chemical balance.

Millie said...

I think "sucks" is a perfectly acceptable word to describe HRT... it sounds gross. Sorry you have to use it.

Kenna said...

If it makes you feel any better my last two weeks have been like that every day and I really don't see and end in site, my poor girls. Maybe in 11 weeks when the baby comes out but i have a feeling that will only make it worse.

Mrs. Organic said...

Ken - you have a perfectly good excuse, being pregnant changes everything.

sue-donym said...

You mean those type of rants aren't normal? And I can't blame it on HRT. Sheesh.

Kim N said...

I'm with Sue-donym...I have felt a mess with just my own I think you are doing great! I hope they get it worked out for you soon so you can feel "normal". (whatever normal is)