Sometimes I think I am just going to give up on going out in public and speaking to other adults because I'm not sure that I've ever had a properly working filter between my brain and my mouth. In fact, I'm pretty sure I was in the Ladies' Room when they were being handed out, and those filters are handy-dandy little things.
For instance, Back to School Night was yesterday. The last few years, Mr. O has been in charge of attending this function - what with having a baby and cancer (twice), Ty's tumor, etc. all falling at this time of year I was usually otherwise occupied. But, we have finally reached the point of *normal* in our lives where I'm attending these school functions again.
However, I may have demoted myself last night. I sat in my children's classrooms (at their desks), wrote loving notes to them, and listened to their teacher's presentations. So far, so good.
Afterwards, I spoke with each teacher and asked about ways to help my daughters with school. The first one went fine, outstanding even. But in the second class I was so nervous or guilt-ridden or apologetic, or something that I opened my mouth, inserted my foot and nearly choked on my kneecap.
What I wanted to say was, "How does (insert name of student here) seem to be doing in class? Is there anything I can do to help you or to help her (while implying - because I am a very loving, supportive and concerned parent)?"
Instead I came up with, "The problem I have with ___ is ____ (while implying - because I am horribly self-conscious/self-absorbed and worried you think I have never sat and read to her, kept her safe from processed foods, or done a stitch of school work with her and am totally failing as a mother)."
I mean what kind of mother says something like that? I felt like a total idiot. And I didn't make it better, I put the proverbial nail in the coffin of my parenting skills. What's worse is I cannot stop thinking about what her teacher must be thinking about me, about my daughter.
Stuff like - "Oh (the kind of *Oh* that is thought, not said, with a raised eyebrow)."
and "Well, that explains a lot."
and "Poor child, with a mom like that it's no wonder..."
and any number of other unintended things that reflect poorly on me. Wait, does that mean I am those things implied by my statement and that I'm just unable to stop myself from letting others know it? Ack!
My stomach is eating me up, and it's doubtful I'll ever make myself go back into that school. I have totally failed Communicating with School Professionals 101. Dramatic much? I know!
Do you ever have anxiety over Foot-in-Mouth Disease or am I suffering alone here?
