Wednesday, July 8, 2009

How do I put this delicately? Oh yes, men look away

Consider yourselves warned.

Anywho, let's address one of the aspects of losing weight that, erm, leaves A LOT to be desired. Literally.

You've heard of the three body types: apple, pear, and what is that last one? Oh yeah, hourglass. Sadly I am of the pear variety and gravity is not my friend. When I am slender, and I'm talking pre-baby days, I'm uniformly thin (flat in other words). Flat butt, flat chest, flat stomach, thin legs. Which is lovely when you're thin because a Miracle Bra or Victoria's Secret can fix some of that flatness.

However, when I'm am not "slender" I resemble a water balloon - filling out at the bottom first and lastly near the top. Having lost thirty-plus pounds this year a majority of it has come off my waist and let's face it, my bust line. I am looking rather deflated these days.

Enter organic "implants." I first saw these back in the old days of Regis and Kathy Lee. It was back during the uproar over silicone implants and falsies were making a big comeback. Guess what their low-cost organic alternative was? Wait for it.

Peanutbutter in ziploc baggies. I KNOW!

Apparently it looks (and feels) just like the real thing. And should you get hungry and need a snack...just find a couple slices of bread and you're all set. Let's just hope no one bumps into you and leaves you with a PB explosion in your bra.

I'll let you know how it all works out.